Tag: teacherblog

Posted in Trying to Become Parents Journey

Trying to Become Parents Part 11: Project Science Baby is HAPPENING

Posted on by babbles&brains

I have not updated the “Trying To Become Parents Journey” since November 2021. And finally, I have more to share than “I’m just waiting.” Here’s a list of what’s happened since that March 2021 post:

Just the start of all the medications and supplements I have to take daily
  • We changed insurances so we could be served better by the fertility clinic we chose (and so I can give birth in the hospital closest to my home).
  • I’ve been slowly collecting fragrant orchid plants.
  • We applied for IVF financing and were only given two terrible options (extremely high APR and not the amount of money we needed to loan).
  • We applied for a line of credit with our bank for a better loan and interest rate for our predicament.
  • We were approved for the line of credit with our bank.
  • We paid for the initial charges for IVF.
  • I got my Master’s Degree and my Administrative Credential.
  • I attended a duo baby shower for my two cousins who are expecting (actually one of them has given birth since last week) and I only cried about it a few times.
  • I started the portion of IVF that requires birth control to keep my ovaries calm.
  • I have an official PCOS diagnosis as the cause for infertility instead of “obesity” now thanks to this clinic.
  • I met with my IVF Nurse Coordinator and got a schedule for the next three months.
  • I ordered the injection medications that may be more than the payment for IVF if my insurance doesn’t cover it.
  • I start injections next week.

For those of you who don’t know, IVF is in vitro fertilization. That’s where the doctors grow as many follicles to maturity as possible in my ovaries, retrieve the eggs from the follicles, fertilize them with my partner’s sperm in a lab and watch over their growth. In my case, they are going to test at least 8 blastocysts for genetic abnormalities before freezing all the good-quality embryos that make it to that stage while my body calms down from the egg retrieval surgery. That is if there is successful fertilization.

This is the only egg retrieval cycle we can afford, so I’m really hoping things turn out well. I’m really hoping for at least four healthy little embryos.

I’ve been calling my IVF experience Project Science Baby among my best friends. It makes it seem more hopeful to me. I’m excited for it to start even though I really hate needles. I keep telling myself it’s completely worth it.

I’ll start updating after each of my appointments from here on out. My baseline appointment is scheduled for June 9!

Talk to you soon,

Babbles&brains

Posted in Trying to Become Parents Journey

Trying to Become Parents- Part 4: Pandemic Blues

Posted on by babbles&brains

Warning: This post has moments that are possibly TMI.

Trying to have a baby in a pandemic is difficult, especially if it is difficult to conceive. I finally started my period (about a week and a half late because I don’t think I ovulated. Believe me, I took a ton of pregnancy tests, all negative). I called the clinic as instructed on the first day of my cycle, and guess what? No appointments available.

The fertility clinic patients are getting treatments every other cycle with all of the regulations and social distancing rules. So since I couldn’t get an appointment this time, I’m on the list to get an appointment next cycle. But I don’t know when that will happen at this point. It’s not guaranteed that I can get an appointment next cycle either.

This is hard. I really need to have this appointment to rule out cysts and begin a different treatment to conceive. It’s the next step to starting a family for us. It’s all up in the air now.

I thought I found some patience and peace about waiting since meeting the specialist at an online appointment. Now I’m just so frustrated, and sad. Why can’t I just be a little bit normal at least and conceive like so many others can? How come no matter how much I want to be a parent, there are SO many obstacles in the way? What is so wrong with me?

There are other patients who are older than me, where time is running out for them, and they deserve the chance to have a family if they want it. Thankfully, I’m still young and have time, even if I’m tired of waiting. I may have to be more patient still.

Stay healthy and safe, everyone. I think we all want things to go back to normal.

Until next time,

Babbles&brains

Posted in Teaching & Education

Focusing on the Good: Teaching in Fall 2020

Posted on by babbles&brains

We all need some good news right now, so all I’m going to focus on in this post is all the good things that are happening right now while I’m teaching during this pandemic. Today marks the third week of real distance teaching, and these are the good things I’ve chosen to focus on so far:

My students. I cannot get over how awesome my students are. They’re all ready and WILLING to learn. It is truly amazing and beautiful. Not even kidding I could brag about them all day. I am SO PROUD that my students are on top of things, and it makes keeping them accountable so much easier. I think they all miss being in school and want to be part of it even if it’s distantly. It makes my heart full. I know it’s not the same for all the grade levels, and Pre-K to 3rd grades really need all the community building time they can get and in-person instruction. I hope we can all get that soon. I am so happy that my middle and high school students are stepping it up to be their best.

Quiet time. I’m always available for my students during school hours, but during school hours it’s been so nice to give direct instruction and then let them do their thing while checking in. The kids like being able to have the opportunity to go and focus on their work and not get distracted by others. It’s not the same for all households, but they are getting into the groove of finding their perfect school area at home to learn. I have a few students who struggled last year who are absolutely killing it because they’re figuring out what works for them. Also, I can get my grading done much faster, which is the bane of my existence.

Helping out. Family is super important to me, and I have two nieces enrolled at my school. So I get to have them over a few times a week to work on staying on top of school during distance learning, as they both struggled a lot last spring. I am excited to give them a space to learn and grow during a pandemic. Plus, it helps my sister out while she is working to have someone to look out for her daughters. I’m more than happy to help whenever I’m needed.

Time to Calm Down. I get myself really busy, but being able to work from home has given me so many opportunities to work on my mental health and working on self-compassion. I know other teachers in other places don’t have the opportunity to work from home right now, but getting this time, even if it’s not going to last forever, has been such a blessing to my head space. Most of the time, anyway.

My Students. Did I mention them already? Because I LOVE being their teacher no matter what. Getting to teach them new things and interact at their level has been a really great learning experience.

Anyway, I just wanted to share the good things. The silver linings. The bright side. Positive vibes.

Do me a favor, and thank a teacher for persevering, for being tenacious, for caring. They need that right now. Make their whole week by just saying something kind.

Until next time,

Babbles&brains

Posted in Trying to Become Parents Journey

Trying to Become Parents, Part 3

Posted on by babbles&brains

Bad news first: we are still not pregnant.

Good news: We finally had our first appointment with our fertility specialist.

Here’s what happened.

Our blood tests came back good and normal, my HSG procedure had normal results, and my husband’s sample was normal. I’ve been having regular periods since I took Clomid back in April.

The only thing we don’t know and haven’t ruled out is Poly-Cystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). I don’t know why, but my OB never did a routine ultrasound to see the health of my ovaries. I have only had ultrasounds done at the emergency room back in January when I had a hemorrhagic cyst, and nobody told me anything else about my ovaries. We have to do that at the start of my next cycle (if we can get an appointment). We were informed that there are other medications and treatments we can do to help me continue ovulating, which I am thankful that there are more options before more expensive and invasive treatments.

If we don’t have success with a different medication after a few cycles, we will probably end up doing Intrauterine Insemination (IUI).

Thankfully, all of these treatments are partially covered with our insurance. It doesn’t mean that it won’t be expensive, but it does mean that we can make it happen comfortably with some smart budgeting. That is a huge relief.

I’ve been working very hard on reducing stress and anxiety during this time, and am so relieved to have more information on how my body is working. I’m finally beginning to feel hopeful again that we can really become parents.

Until next time,

Babbles&brains

Posted in Mental Health

Anxiety & Me: How I Get Through

Posted on by babbles&brains

Possible Trigger Warning: There will be talk about my personal experience with anxiety and PTSD.

If you have anxiety, you understand how difficult it is to manage. Most of the time, I can manage, but sometimes I can’t, but I am finally at a stage where I can usually get through it. I wanted to share how I get through bouts of anxiety attacks, and hopefully it may help someone struggling.

Being Observant: It took me a long time to figure out what triggers my anxiety. Paying attention to the events that happen before an anxiety attack will help you identify what causes the attack. For me, Walmart is a huge trigger. I can’t even drive to the parking lot of Walmart alone (at least in my hometown, but I prefer not to shop at any Walmart for many reasons now). This is because I experienced trauma by two people who used to work there as a young teenager, and on a trip exploring the superstore walking alone, I WALKED PAST the one person I never wanted to see again or know existed in the public in my entire life. My lizard brain does not want to deal with that ever again, so it gets heated at the thought of even entering the parking lot in an attempt to protect me. Understanding the trigger to an anxiety attack is very helpful in the self-talk needed to get through an anxiety attack in a shorter amount of time.

Quiet Spaces: Finding a quiet space at the onset of an anxiety attack is really important for me to focus on grounding myself. I’m not picky about it though, because there are no perfect places when in the midst of an anxiety attack. Bathroom stalls, inside my car, my walk-in closet, or going outside if indoors– these are all quiet spaces I’ve gone to when I experience the beginning of an anxiety attack. It just needs to be a space where I can hear myself think.

Self-Compassion: I think this is the most important. I know I tend to be harsh on myself, and getting frustrated when having anxiety only causes more stress and exacerbates the issue. When you are having an anxiety attack, it is very important that you are giving yourself the care and compassion you deserve. So make self-compassion part of your self-care routine. Currently, I really am enjoying working on self-compassion with The Power of Self-Compassion by Laurie J. Cameron. It’s a fantastic audio book from Audible (not sponsored). Granting yourself the compassion you would to a best friend (or for me, a beloved student) is so important to get you through times of anxiety.

Talk Therapy: Get yourself some healthy coping mechanisms through therapy. Get someone objective to talk to that wants to help you be your best self. Unfortunately, partners don’t count, as usually they are not licensed professionals to help you get the tools you need. Through talk therapy though, you can get some tools to help your partner become even more amazing and supportive (if you have one). During this pandemic, I have found BetterHelp (not sponsored) to be a great option to have access to someone to talk to, and they are very good about helping with affordability.

Medication: Even with everything I do to get through anxiety, I was having a very difficult time last year and was consistently having anxiety attacks far too often for me to live my life. Even with all of my coping skills. At that time, it is important to discuss with a doctor about what has been going on and let them know everything you have done to get through it. Often, they will give a questionnaire and discuss medication options that fit with your lifestyle. To me, medication isn’t a bad thing. It’s like wearing glasses to help you see better. I also requested to get additional blood work done to check my thyroid levels, as I know my family has a history of Hashimoto’s hypothyroidism, and it finally showed up for me, after many checks throughout high school and college. An underactive thyroid affects the brain’s ability to function properly, and for me, it caused intense anxiety. So, now I am taking medication for my thyroid and medication for anxiety, but with the work I am doing to be as healthy as possible, I may not need the anxiety medication much longer as my thyroid has help functioning properly.

So, those are some of the things I find helps me get through my anxiety. Some days are better than others, but overall, I am having fewer anxiety attacks, and have been able to get to the end of an anxiety attack in a shorter amount of time. I think the amount of natural light I’ve been getting in our new house has also been beneficial for my mental health. If you’re struggling, I really hope these ideas may help you find peace and clarity. Let me know what works for you!

Stay healthy, y’all.

Sincerely,

Babbles&brains

Posted in Miscellaneous Shenanigans

House Update! June 2020

Posted on by babbles&brains

Note: Some of the links in this post are affiliate links. You definitely do not have to use them, and I will only provide links to things I personally have used and liked, but it would totally help out a little teacher blogger!

We’ve been spending a lot of time getting the house in order in the last few weeks. Here’s an update on what we have done so far.

Step 1: Removing the wallpaper. Luckily for us and this wallpaper remover, we got all the wallpaper off in ONE DAY. ALL of it. Three rooms of wallpaper GONE. And the glue residue is really easy to remove also: just a dense sponge and hot water gets it right off. The fuzzy plaid wallpapered room needs the sponge and hot water one more time before we paint, but I am extremely happy that we were able to remove all the wallpaper.

The FUZZY plaid wallpaper is now gone, but here is the middle of the process!

Step 2: Primer and Painting. This is something we are still doing, but we finished painting the living room walls, the kitchen, the hallways, and our master bedroom. We used mold/mildew killing primer in the kitchen and will do the same in the bathrooms. I am so excited that I now have a gorgeous dark teal accent wall in our master bedroom, and it’s going to look so nice when it all comes together.

I LOVE my accent wall! The master used to be a grey-brown, and now it’s tranquil and so pretty!

Step 3: HVAC repair. Ugh this was a journey. Working with our city’s utility services has been a nightmare, and they shut off the power to our house while their offices were closed (fearing riots) with no clear information on who to contact and what to do the day we were supposed to get our HVAC repaired. Thankfully, we got it all sorted out finally, and a week later, our HVAC is running properly, filters have been replaced, and it cost double what we thought it would. Of course. Such is the life of home owning.

Step 4: All the little things and also moving and the big things. The second bathroom toilet flapper broke so we had to replace that. We moved out of our apartment and cleaned it thoroughly so we could turn in the keys, and brought everything to our new home. My niece came for a few days to help me unpack the kitchen and clean the old apartment, and that was such a great help. Our three cats were terrified of the new place for a few days, but are now adventuring everywhere and they absolutely LOVE all the windows.

There is a lot we want to accomplish with our new home, but we did move in a week ago and I’ve got the unpacking to deal with for now. More pictures will come once we get settled. Thank goodness it’s the summer so I have a little more time to unpack and organize!

We definitely purchased a project home, and have a lot of things in store, but I am so happy to make this place my own with my husband. I am SO HAPPY. Only a week living in our new home and it has been the BEST.

Sincerely, Babbles&brains

Posted in Mental Health

Friendships: Real and Not Real

Posted on by babbles&brains
Just a small sampling of the real friendships I’ve accumulated over the years. I love them all so much!!!

Some people are so smart, yet have no common sense. I was one of these people. Well, technically, there are some areas where I need to flex my common sense muscle, but I want to talk about friendships. I used to not understand how to make friends and keep them, but I’ve been working on how to focus my attention on important relationships, and let the other ones go. There are friendships that are real and true and amazing, and there are fake friendships that make you feel like a terrible person but if you need to cut ties, it is perfectly okay to do so. So, I’m writing about how I tell my friendships apart, because there’s a few things I’ve noticed recently that have just set me on edge.

Signs of Real Friendships:

  • You may not talk every day. You may not have the mental capacity to talk every month, but when you do, it’s like the relationship never missed a beat. The friendship is comfortable enough not to need constant assurance that it is a real friendship. I have several of these and it is so relaxing to have a friend that understands a busy life or mental illness and still loves you a lot to always be around for when it counts.
  • You can talk to this person and they will listen. You don’t have to worry about them sharing every juicy detail about your life to someone else. They won’t offer advice every single time either, just support and understanding.
  • When something terrible happens, they’re there for you, even if not physically there. Vice versa when something great happens. They’re supporting you when you’re feeling inadequate and worthless, and they’re supporting you when you feel on top of the world.
  • They confront you. When you’ve said or done something that hurts someone else, they talk to you about what happened without telling you that you’re awful and wrong (especially if you think you’re a terrible person all the time).
  • You can angry rant to them about something you are furious about. Even if they have a different opinion than you on the topic. They listen and care.
  • They remember your birthday without a Facebook reminder (most of the time). I have my best friends on my birthdays bullet journal spread with my family.
  • On the rare occasion where they genuinely ask for advice, they take it into deep consideration and trust that you care enough to help them.
  • They might hurt you sometimes. That’s the risk of a relationship. But every single time, they genuinely apologize and work on the friendship with you. This happened to me in high school with a bestie, and we grew through it and are both much better friends because of it.

Signs of Fake Friendships

  • They tell you what to do and how to think. Even if it’s something small. It’s not even a conversation or debate. It’s a “my way or the highway” mentality (toxic).
  • When they ask for advice all the time and they never take it, like they just want to go through the motions of asking a friend about something. They don’t think your advice is in their best interest.
  • They tell someone else what you said in confidence.
  • Saying “I’m sorry you feel that way” or something similar to quickly apologize or move away from confrontation. They don’t actually want to work on the friendship. In fact, this type of apology isn’t an acknowledgement of a mistake, just an acknowledgement they got caught hurting you.
  • Asking “are we still friends?” Honestly, you should never have to ask an adult that question. Seeking constant approval that you are friends is not a healthy friendship. This is very different from the “can we be friends?” question. If you want to be friends, ask, and you only need to ask once.
  • When a “friend” says or does something that makes you feel unimportant, useless, or worthless.
  • Someone who expects you to do things for them with no reciprocation. Or, doing a small thing and expecting something more in return.
  • Only wanting to be around during good times. Those “fair weather” friends. They still exist. They don’t want to see you down because it kills their vibe.
  • Someone who ditches plans with you to be with a partner, a prospective partner, or just because without giving advance notice, or just ghosts you when they have a partner (I was guilty of this once. I now know the value of maintaining friendships while also having a partner).
  • Someone who is inconsiderate of time constraints and the need to carefully plan around life, work, personalities, and mental health. If we’re going to hang out together, I can do arts and crafts or have a drink and watch Nailed It from 6-9pm on Friday afternoon and I need to be home promptly at 9:15 to feet my cats. Don’t call me Tuesday at lunch and expect me to be there after work to go bar-hopping. I’m never going to say yes to that. I’m an adult, an introvert, and a teacher. Bar-hopping will not recharge me and will just trigger anxiety.
  • Someone who is always forgetting or is inconsiderate of your own plans in life. I had this “friend,” whom I told on multiple occasions that I was going to be gone a specific weekend to spend time with my family and husband, and they messaged me on the way to our trip and during our trip THE NEXT DAY asking to hang out. No, I told you before, multiple times, I’m not in town. Thanks for listening.
  • Ghosting you after telling them your plans for the next year involving baby-making. Or, ghosting you if you don’t plan on having children ever.
  • Consistently skipping out on a friend’s birthday even though you went to theirs. For example, we went to a “friend’s” partner’s birthday, playing mini golf two hours away from home and eating at a restaurant. Then, months later, when I was in the works to plan out my husband’s birthday, going to a whiskey tasting (already paid for) two hours away from home and dinner, this couple said they couldn’t make it. Then on the day of his birthday, they didn’t even message him, knowing it was his birthday. Money wasn’t the issue here. They were just being jerks.
  • This sign: the “friend” texting you around Christmas, then leaving you on read during your birthday month, then telling them happy birthday on their birthday later and they do not even acknowledge that they missed your birthday. That is so mean!
  • Choosing to only be friends with their partner’s closest friends, following their partner’s friendships rather than maintaining their own. I was lucky to have three best friends whose partners I also like. But even if I don’t like your partner a lot or even know your partner that well, I’m still willing to be your friend and grow that friendship to include others.

Many of the signs of fake friendship have to do with being inconsiderate. It’s a hot button for me. As an INFJ, I am so deeply considerate of others (and am constantly working on being more considerate) that not getting even a little consideration in return makes me want to just cut off that relationship completely. I’m 27, I don’t have time to waste on wishy-washy friends. I want to work on the good ones I’ve already got going. But also I love having friends so if you want to be real friends I’m down. I am really going to need some mom friends when I conceive.

If some of the “signs of fake friendship” apply to one of your friendships, take the time to re-evaluate the relationship and see if you want to keep it going or not. It’s okay to end a friendship that isn’t working for you or your friend. When you move your attention away from a not-so-great friendship, you’ll be able to focus on finding and investing in a great friendship.

However, if you feel like some of the “signs of a fake friendship” seem to apply to you, you can change your actions to become a real friend. Others can as well, but only if they want to. Keep working on you as much as you want, and I’ll keep working on me.

Please work on finding real friendships and becoming a real friend. It will make the world so much brighter.

Sincerely, Babbles&brains

Posted in Miscellaneous Shenanigans

Update on Buying a House

Posted on by babbles&brains

I was too busy Monday to update, but I’m here now. Things have happened…

Great things! Appraisal has already been done and is just a smidge over our offer (exactly $250) that was accepted, which means we get to continue to go through with our loan.

The home inspection and a pest inspection was done. I was so worried that with wood siding that there would be termites or dry rot and other creepy crawlies. Currently, the AC isn’t working so we’ve requested the sellers to get the HVAC system serviced to be up to standards. Now, this is a house from 1953, so it’s got some character, and it does have other projects that need doing eventually, but we can pretty much get those completed without breaking the bank. so with a few things, this home will be ready to move into!

I am so excited we are moving forward in buying our first house! Our lender has been very efficient also in helping us get to closing.

I’ve already decided what colors to paint the wallpaper rooms!

I can’t wait to host a wallpaper peeling party to get rid of the fuzzy wallpaper. And a gardening party to get the plants under control. Hopefully we can do social things safely and soon. I can barely wait to enjoy hosting family and friends.

I AM SO HAPPY and SO EMOTIONAL. Soon, we will have a home of our own!