Today is day 5 of injections for stimulating my ovaries to grow as many follicles as possible for my body. I’m trying to stay hopeful while also trying not to think too much about what I can’t see right now. That part is going okay, I think.
This is just some of the injections and supplies. I have a whole pharmacy in my bathroom!
Tomorrow we start counting follicles and measuring their size. So the doctor can start figuring out how many eggs they can get.
Every night when my spouse helps me with the injections, I am still amazed that this is actually happening for us, that we are actually getting so much closer to starting our family.
I’m taking each day at a time, trying to fill each day with something enjoyable. We have just about a week left before the big retrieval day. Already! I’m so nervous but I’m doing everything I can to be as healthy and ready as possible.
I have not updated the “Trying To Become Parents Journey” since November 2021. And finally, I have more to share than “I’m just waiting.” Here’s a list of what’s happened since that March 2021 post:
Just the start of all the medications and supplements I have to take daily
We changed insurances so we could be served better by the fertility clinic we chose (and so I can give birth in the hospital closest to my home).
I’ve been slowly collecting fragrant orchid plants.
We applied for IVF financing and were only given two terrible options (extremely high APR and not the amount of money we needed to loan).
We applied for a line of credit with our bank for a better loan and interest rate for our predicament.
We were approved for the line of credit with our bank.
We paid for the initial charges for IVF.
I got my Master’s Degree and my Administrative Credential.
I attended a duo baby shower for my two cousins who are expecting (actually one of them has given birth since last week) and I only cried about it a few times.
I started the portion of IVF that requires birth control to keep my ovaries calm.
I have an official PCOS diagnosis as the cause for infertility instead of “obesity” now thanks to this clinic.
I met with my IVF Nurse Coordinator and got a schedule for the next three months.
I ordered the injection medications that may be more than the payment for IVF if my insurance doesn’t cover it.
I start injections next week.
For those of you who don’t know, IVF is in vitro fertilization. That’s where the doctors grow as many follicles to maturity as possible in my ovaries, retrieve the eggs from the follicles, fertilize them with my partner’s sperm in a lab and watch over their growth. In my case, they are going to test at least 8 blastocysts for genetic abnormalities before freezing all the good-quality embryos that make it to that stage while my body calms down from the egg retrieval surgery. That is if there is successful fertilization.
This is the only egg retrieval cycle we can afford, so I’m really hoping things turn out well. I’m really hoping for at least four healthy little embryos.
I’ve been calling my IVF experience Project Science Baby among my best friends. It makes it seem more hopeful to me. I’m excited for it to start even though I really hate needles. I keep telling myself it’s completely worth it.
I’ll start updating after each of my appointments from here on out. My baseline appointment is scheduled for June 9!
Guess what? I’m still NOT pregnant. Here’s a little art I drew about how I felt about this news:
I think it needs more test strips, cash, and bills, don’t you?
Yeah.
I was grieving for what I’m not able to have. And feeling completely without hope. It’s not comfortable. It hurts.
The good news is that I finally got my first appointment at the clinic that seems like everyone is raving about, and it’s actually GREAT. Also, it is over ten thousand dollars less than my insurance company’s fertility clinic. And, they are open daily year-round, which means they will work with my special uterus!
The doctor even recommended supplements and addressed all of my concerns and questions. THEY LISTENED TO ME. They gave me actual data on their process and success rates.
I felt so relieved to have a positive experience finally through this journey. A weight lifted off my heart. I feel like I can hope again.
But the cost is still high. Over 10k less than the other clinic, but still the price of a new car. I wish it wasn’t a financial burden to us just for the chance to become parents. And having to wait until we have the funds is torturing me.
To afford IVF, I’ve been working during my prep doing paperwork for another school so I can make a good chunk of funds by spring of 2022. I’ll be able to afford over half of the procedure on my own! Which means, we might become parents by August of 2022!
But it feels like FOREVER AND A DAY.
Anyway, I have a lot more hope in my heart than I did when I made that art. It still is part of me, but it’s not all of me anymore.
I haven’t started a GoFundMe for my treatment because it feels weird to have other people pay for us to make a baby, even if it’s with science. If we can’t do it on our own, why are we even going to try having kids when they’re more expensive afterwards? Maybe I’ll change my mind if we still can’t scrape up the funds. But since it’s the burden my husband and I bear, it doesn’t feel right to ask other people to give us money.
To our family on the other hand… If you really want us to be parents, please feel free to help us. Any little bit will go a long way. I know it will be so worth it.
Worst news first, the clinic we’ve been going to under our insurance wants up to $35,000 for one cycle of in vitro fertilization paid up front. No financing options. The entire payment is due before treatment.
WHAT!?
Obviously IVF is expensive. I know that. But I was not prepared to hear about that amount. That’s more than the price of my Honda CR-V. That’s a down payment on a house, a pretty nice one in California. That’s more than half of my yearly salary. It’s going to be really difficult to get a loan for that much. (For protection reasons, I will not be naming my current health insurance company. It’s an enormous company though, they have so much money already.)
Now, better news, I looked into another clinic not in our insurance system, and talked several people who went to this other clinic. After scouring their website in distress at the aforementioned worst news, they have financing options, and a cycle of IVF is LESS THAN HALF of the cost of the clinic under our insurance company. With financing options and payment plans!
I have an appointment to see them in September for a second opinion. It’s going to cost me several hundred dollars out of pocket, but if it goes well, I think I’m going to switch health insurance companies. I feel like the health insurance we have right now has failed us, that they only want money and aren’t actually listening to their patients (For example, telling me my ovulatory dysfunction is because of my weight when I’ve stated at least twenty times to just the clinic that I had anovulatory cycles when I was lighter. And I have only been at the fertility clinic in person a total of eight times in the past two years).
It’s going to still be at least a year until we can actually afford IVF.
Hopefully the next IUI is successful so we don’t even have to worry about IVF. hopefully we can start the next IUI cycle by next week. If this next IUI isn’t successful, I’m going to stop treatments until we can afford IVF.
So, we have to wait some more. A lot longer than I anticipated. I will probably not be posting my infertility saga for quite some time. However, I will be trying to keep as busy as possible. I have to show off my puppy and my plants and my amazing job as a teacher.
And as I’m waiting, I’m making a baby blanket for our future little one in the hopes that they will arrive one day.
My hope baby blanket that I started last week.
Anyway, I’m really sad right now. I’m sad we will have to put a pause on trying after this cycle. I’m sad that our insurance/clinic is gouging their prices. I’m sad that as a teacher in the United States I’m not paid a respectable living wage to actually afford more expensive health related procedures. I’m sad that I don’t have a sugar daddy to pay for expensive things like IVF because I’m happily married. I’m sad that I don’t get to be a mom yet.
We all need some good news right now, so all I’m going to focus on in this post is all the good things that are happening right now while I’m teaching during this pandemic. Today marks the third week of real distance teaching, and these are the good things I’ve chosen to focus on so far:
My students. I cannot get over how awesome my students are. They’re all ready and WILLING to learn. It is truly amazing and beautiful. Not even kidding I could brag about them all day. I am SO PROUD that my students are on top of things, and it makes keeping them accountable so much easier. I think they all miss being in school and want to be part of it even if it’s distantly. It makes my heart full. I know it’s not the same for all the grade levels, and Pre-K to 3rd grades really need all the community building time they can get and in-person instruction. I hope we can all get that soon. I am so happy that my middle and high school students are stepping it up to be their best.
Quiet time. I’m always available for my students during school hours, but during school hours it’s been so nice to give direct instruction and then let them do their thing while checking in. The kids like being able to have the opportunity to go and focus on their work and not get distracted by others. It’s not the same for all households, but they are getting into the groove of finding their perfect school area at home to learn. I have a few students who struggled last year who are absolutely killing it because they’re figuring out what works for them. Also, I can get my grading done much faster, which is the bane of my existence.
Helping out. Family is super important to me, and I have two nieces enrolled at my school. So I get to have them over a few times a week to work on staying on top of school during distance learning, as they both struggled a lot last spring. I am excited to give them a space to learn and grow during a pandemic. Plus, it helps my sister out while she is working to have someone to look out for her daughters. I’m more than happy to help whenever I’m needed.
Time to Calm Down. I get myself really busy, but being able to work from home has given me so many opportunities to work on my mental health and working on self-compassion. I know other teachers in other places don’t have the opportunity to work from home right now, but getting this time, even if it’s not going to last forever, has been such a blessing to my head space. Most of the time, anyway.
My Students. Did I mention them already? Because I LOVE being their teacher no matter what. Getting to teach them new things and interact at their level has been a really great learning experience.
Anyway, I just wanted to share the good things. The silver linings. The bright side. Positive vibes.
Do me a favor, and thank a teacher for persevering, for being tenacious, for caring. They need that right now. Make their whole week by just saying something kind.
Good news: We finally had our first appointment with our fertility specialist.
Here’s what happened.
Our blood tests came back good and normal, my HSG procedure had normal results, and my husband’s sample was normal. I’ve been having regular periods since I took Clomid back in April.
The only thing we don’t know and haven’t ruled out is Poly-Cystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). I don’t know why, but my OB never did a routine ultrasound to see the health of my ovaries. I have only had ultrasounds done at the emergency room back in January when I had a hemorrhagic cyst, and nobody told me anything else about my ovaries. We have to do that at the start of my next cycle (if we can get an appointment). We were informed that there are other medications and treatments we can do to help me continue ovulating, which I am thankful that there are more options before more expensive and invasive treatments.
If we don’t have success with a different medication after a few cycles, we will probably end up doing Intrauterine Insemination (IUI).
Thankfully, all of these treatments are partially covered with our insurance. It doesn’t mean that it won’t be expensive, but it does mean that we can make it happen comfortably with some smart budgeting. That is a huge relief.
I’ve been working very hard on reducing stress and anxiety during this time, and am so relieved to have more information on how my body is working. I’m finally beginning to feel hopeful again that we can really become parents.
NOTICE: Some of the following links are affiliate links. However, all of the products in this post I have purchased myself. Click here for more information.
It’s been a minute since I shared bullet journaling stuff on my blog. Last time I talked about my supplies. For this school year, I got the Scribbles That Matter “Starry Night” insert. I also the white Sakura Gelly Roll White pens to start off with. After doing a lot of research, I was able to score some inexpensive metallic brush pens. For my birthday, a friend sent me the Sakura Moonlight Gelly Roll Pens and THEY. ARE. SO. CUTE! I’ve got some tips and tricks about these things, which I’ll share today.
I didn’t share my July on time, and I also skipped a few weeks. But I have pics of what I have done so here it is. I found the ice cream super adorable, and got the idea from a friend who did shave ice and ice cream for her July theme.
And I actually used a little bit of washi tape. SO CUTE!
So, I’m getting used to these black pages. And since I’ve been working with it, here is some advice for you to keep things looking good!
Let it dry. Gel pens are gorgeous, fluid, shapely, but they take a while to dry. A looooong while. More than you think. I get impatient and close my book and BOOM. Gel pen transfer on my pretty pages. I still don’t know how to get it to dry and solidify quicker. That’s my next research project.
Easy Fixing with Black ink. The awesome thing about my black journal is that it is SO easy to fix a mistake and make it unnoticeable: using black ink. I have been using the Tombow Fudenosuke pens for fixing little transfer dots, line mishaps, and if I write Monday instead of Sunday while trying to write out my weekly. Let that black ink dry too.
Have fun! Seriously, it’s all about having fun for me right now while I organize my life into one dotted notebook. Anything cute and adorable on Pinterest for white page notebooks can totally be re-imagined for black pages. For example, my August spread:
Yeah, I made citrus look freaking fantastic on black pages.
I love working in this journal. I can’t wait to make a nighttime fall theme for September.
That’s all for now. I’ll update you on my Trying to Become Parents next Wednesday.
Note: Some of the links in this post are affiliate links. You definitely do not have to use them, and I will only provide links to things I personally have used and liked, but it would totally help out a little teacher blogger!
We’ve been spending a lot of time getting the house in order in the last few weeks. Here’s an update on what we have done so far.
Step 1: Removing the wallpaper. Luckily for us and this wallpaper remover, we got all the wallpaper off in ONE DAY. ALL of it. Three rooms of wallpaper GONE. And the glue residue is really easy to remove also: just a dense sponge and hot water gets it right off. The fuzzy plaid wallpapered room needs the sponge and hot water one more time before we paint, but I am extremely happy that we were able to remove all the wallpaper.
The FUZZY plaid wallpaper is now gone, but here is the middle of the process!
Step 2: Primer and Painting. This is something we are still doing, but we finished painting the living room walls, the kitchen, the hallways, and our master bedroom. We used mold/mildew killing primer in the kitchen and will do the same in the bathrooms. I am so excited that I now have a gorgeous dark teal accent wall in our master bedroom, and it’s going to look so nice when it all comes together.
I LOVE my accent wall! The master used to be a grey-brown, and now it’s tranquil and so pretty!
Step 3: HVAC repair. Ugh this was a journey. Working with our city’s utility services has been a nightmare, and they shut off the power to our house while their offices were closed (fearing riots) with no clear information on who to contact and what to do the day we were supposed to get our HVAC repaired. Thankfully, we got it all sorted out finally, and a week later, our HVAC is running properly, filters have been replaced, and it cost double what we thought it would. Of course. Such is the life of home owning.
Step 4: All the little things and also moving and the big things. The second bathroom toilet flapper broke so we had to replace that. We moved out of our apartment and cleaned it thoroughly so we could turn in the keys, and brought everything to our new home. My niece came for a few days to help me unpack the kitchen and clean the old apartment, and that was such a great help. Our three cats were terrified of the new place for a few days, but are now adventuring everywhere and they absolutely LOVE all the windows.
There is a lot we want to accomplish with our new home, but we did move in a week ago and I’ve got the unpacking to deal with for now. More pictures will come once we get settled. Thank goodness it’s the summer so I have a little more time to unpack and organize!
We definitely purchased a project home, and have a lot of things in store, but I am so happy to make this place my own with my husband. I am SO HAPPY. Only a week living in our new home and it has been the BEST.
After five wonderful years, we are finally ready to buy a house. In the midst of this pandemic, we’ve been very cautiously keeping tabs on houses we like and with a realtor we’ve toured a few with covered faces, gloves, and disposable booties. I fell in love with a gorgeous 1950’s house and GUYS!!!!! It’s so precious I can’t wait to share about it but it’s still not ours. Yet.
After negotiating, our offer was finally accepted. We’re in a process. There’s inspections, discussions, escrow (learning about this all as I go), paperwork, closing, and then MOVING. I’m stressed that nothing about this process is in my control except being able to pay for it. I got maybe 4 hours of sleep in two days waiting to hear if our offer would be accepted on this precious vintage home. So I’ve been basically crawling in my skin all day from anxiety and forgot to eat breakfast this morning with coffee so I’ve been extra pacey hoping that the powers that be will let us get a house that is imperfectly perfect for us. There is a LOT more things that have to happen, and I need to CHILL OUT.
We’ve lived in a nice apartment for four years. I wanted a garden so badly, but nothing grows in our little yard in this apartment. Not enough light.
But this house! This house has so much natural light and its charming and so calming and I can’t wait to get out there and garden in that beautiful yard with adorable fruit trees and native plants and collect ALL the succulents and maybe a puppy (that’s MY plan if we don’t get preggo this year, hubby gives me eyebrows about it, but I need something to take on walks to get excess weight off, and he won’t let me take our cats). Also, if we are still quarantined, I would LOVE to work from home there, it would be so nice.
Anyway, I digress. We’re in the process of buying a house. It’s exciting, its stressful, it’s unknown. I’m taking you guys with me on the wild ride. As you can probably tell, I am emotionally invested in the house we put an offer on, and that’s a big “no-no” because all of the things that could fall through. But my heart and my hormones just don’t listen to reason right now. Hopefully it’s a sign that this cycle is a good one to conceive…
Monday is when we are getting the home inspected. Since it’s built in 1950, there could be plenty of things wrong with the house, and some things could definitely force us to not even have the chance to buy it. Or, give us the chance to get the house for cheaper than we offered. So that’s neat.
“Focus on where you want to go, not on what you fear,” is the quote I wrote in my bullet journal for May. So I’m trying to not be too optimistic or pessimistic about the whole ordeal. It could go any way, and I can’t do a thing about it. It will teach me something about houses in the end.
Does anyone know how difficult it is to take off fuzzy FLOCKED wallpaper (WHY does it exist)? There’s some interesting wallpaper choices in this house we need to get rid of, and I’d like to get it done and painted before we move in, because I just CAN’T do the fuzzy wallpaper. It’s a brown and mauve plaid, and they even put it on the closet door. I love soft things but that wallpaper…. Gross!
I’ll update you on Monday evening if I’m not in excessive tears.
babbles&brains 