Tag: hope

Posted in Trying to Become Parents Journey

Trying to Become Parents- Part 5: A Milestone

Posted on by babbles&brains

I can’t believe this is might actually happen for me.

I haven’t posted since September because everything was basically the same. Not ovulating, no pregnancy, no parenthood in sight, just waiting to get an appointment to be seen and start a new course of treatment.

Right now, I am truly hopeful, and feel so much lighter. Though I haven’t been ovulating, I’ve finally had an appointment with the fertility clinic last week for an ultrasound to check for cysts before starting treatment for an IUI procedure. No cysts, and healthy follicles!

If you didn’t know, IUI means Intrauterine Insemination, a procedure where they take the male donor’s sperm as close as possible to the egg right at ovulation, to increase the chances of conception.

After two ultrasounds and a round of letrozole, my follicles look very healthy, the uterine lining is nice and cozy for conception, and everything is looking good. We’re just waiting for me to ovulate. I’m hoping that I do by Saturday, but if I don’t have an LH surge by tomorrow I think we might have to do another ultrasound and maybe even a HCG trigger shot to get my body to ovulate for the procedure.

The good news is, within the next seven days, I might finally become pregnant for the first time. I mean, I won’t really know for two weeks after the procedure, but it might happen. The chances are good. Everything is looking great. I’m trying to be as positive as possible.

The doctor and nurses I’ve seen have been so optimistic and hopeful about it, and it makes me have more hope that I will become a mom soon.

I’m not sure why I desire becoming a parent so much, I know how difficult it will be to be a parent. But this desire is overwhelming my heart and soul. I’ve prayed on this so much, asking God why this desire is adhered to my soul so strongly, but it hasn’t lifted or lessened after all this time.

So I truly, deeply hope that this will happen for us.

Please pray for us, send well wishes or good vibes. But again, no baby dust, because that sounds like you’re making dust out of babies and that’s just weird.

Until next time,

Babbles&brains

Posted in Mental Health

Uh, Hello. Again.

Posted on by babbles&brains
My work-from-home setup and my coworker, Juvia.

I’ve been having weekly panic attacks and am enjoying Animal Crossing New Horizons. Not related, unless its hunting for tarantulas.

I’ve been doing my best to take care of myself during this time. I’m really sad that our school buildings are closed for the rest of the school year, but I’ve been trying to meet with my students on Google Hangouts Meet just to see their faces and see if they’re doing okay (I’m skeptical about Zoom at the moment). I hate not being able to control things like going to work everyday and seeing my students, and not knowing what the future will look like. I hate the fact that our kids are being set behind in many ways, and I’m worried about how next school year will be.

When I was my students’ age, school saved my life. My education was a place of safety and something I had ownership of when I felt I had nothing and no control at home. I feel for my kids who find school to be a safe haven and are now stuck in situations they can’t get relief from.

I’ve been crying a lot. Panic attacks from feeling out of control of things, as well as hurting for students that might be hurting during this time, negative pregnancy tests… my brain likes to think I am a failure first.

It’s times like these where it is easy to feel defeated and powerless. However, brain, I am stronger and more powerful during these times. I care so much, and I can do things nobody thinks are possible because I care and do what it takes. I don’t give up when it comes to those I care deeply for.

I’ve been assigning enrichment activities that bring a little bit of brightness for my students. My 9th graders are making skits recreating the story of Pyramus and Thisbe (the OG Romeo & Juliet story). I’m excited to see how their one-man shows will turn out. My 8th graders are reviewing the Civil War through historic literature and speeches. My 7th graders are writing about a person who changed their life. For whoever can do them, it’s something to do. It’s something for me to do to show how much I care. It matters.

The best news to come out of this time is no state testing this school year. Though some funding may be tied to state testing, our kids don’t need that added stress in normal times, and we don’t need less time to teach them about things that truly matter, like relationships.

All this to say, I’ve been absent from writing because I have been working through anxiety and prepping for distant learning, and connecting with my best friend through Animal Crossing.

Readers, how are you really doing? Are you alright? If not, I hope you will be soon. Please wash your hands. Sanitize your devices. Practice self-compassion.

Talk to you soon,

Babbles&brains