I was too busy Monday to update, but I’m here now. Things have happened…
Great things! Appraisal has already been done and is just a smidge over our offer (exactly $250) that was accepted, which means we get to continue to go through with our loan.
The home inspection and a pest inspection was done. I was so worried that with wood siding that there would be termites or dry rot and other creepy crawlies. Currently, the AC isn’t working so we’ve requested the sellers to get the HVAC system serviced to be up to standards. Now, this is a house from 1953, so it’s got some character, and it does have other projects that need doing eventually, but we can pretty much get those completed without breaking the bank. so with a few things, this home will be ready to move into!
I am so excited we are moving forward in buying our first house! Our lender has been very efficient also in helping us get to closing.
I’ve already decided what colors to paint the wallpaper rooms!
I can’t wait to host a wallpaper peeling party to get rid of the fuzzy wallpaper. And a gardening party to get the plants under control. Hopefully we can do social things safely and soon. I can barely wait to enjoy hosting family and friends.
I AM SO HAPPY and SO EMOTIONAL. Soon, we will have a home of our own!
After five wonderful years, we are finally ready to buy a house. In the midst of this pandemic, we’ve been very cautiously keeping tabs on houses we like and with a realtor we’ve toured a few with covered faces, gloves, and disposable booties. I fell in love with a gorgeous 1950’s house and GUYS!!!!! It’s so precious I can’t wait to share about it but it’s still not ours. Yet.
After negotiating, our offer was finally accepted. We’re in a process. There’s inspections, discussions, escrow (learning about this all as I go), paperwork, closing, and then MOVING. I’m stressed that nothing about this process is in my control except being able to pay for it. I got maybe 4 hours of sleep in two days waiting to hear if our offer would be accepted on this precious vintage home. So I’ve been basically crawling in my skin all day from anxiety and forgot to eat breakfast this morning with coffee so I’ve been extra pacey hoping that the powers that be will let us get a house that is imperfectly perfect for us. There is a LOT more things that have to happen, and I need to CHILL OUT.
We’ve lived in a nice apartment for four years. I wanted a garden so badly, but nothing grows in our little yard in this apartment. Not enough light.
But this house! This house has so much natural light and its charming and so calming and I can’t wait to get out there and garden in that beautiful yard with adorable fruit trees and native plants and collect ALL the succulents and maybe a puppy (that’s MY plan if we don’t get preggo this year, hubby gives me eyebrows about it, but I need something to take on walks to get excess weight off, and he won’t let me take our cats). Also, if we are still quarantined, I would LOVE to work from home there, it would be so nice.
Anyway, I digress. We’re in the process of buying a house. It’s exciting, its stressful, it’s unknown. I’m taking you guys with me on the wild ride. As you can probably tell, I am emotionally invested in the house we put an offer on, and that’s a big “no-no” because all of the things that could fall through. But my heart and my hormones just don’t listen to reason right now. Hopefully it’s a sign that this cycle is a good one to conceive…
Monday is when we are getting the home inspected. Since it’s built in 1950, there could be plenty of things wrong with the house, and some things could definitely force us to not even have the chance to buy it. Or, give us the chance to get the house for cheaper than we offered. So that’s neat.
“Focus on where you want to go, not on what you fear,” is the quote I wrote in my bullet journal for May. So I’m trying to not be too optimistic or pessimistic about the whole ordeal. It could go any way, and I can’t do a thing about it. It will teach me something about houses in the end.
Does anyone know how difficult it is to take off fuzzy FLOCKED wallpaper (WHY does it exist)? There’s some interesting wallpaper choices in this house we need to get rid of, and I’d like to get it done and painted before we move in, because I just CAN’T do the fuzzy wallpaper. It’s a brown and mauve plaid, and they even put it on the closet door. I love soft things but that wallpaper…. Gross!
I’ll update you on Monday evening if I’m not in excessive tears.
I’ve been having weekly panic attacks and am enjoying Animal Crossing New Horizons. Not related, unless its hunting for tarantulas.
I’ve been doing my best to take care of myself during this time. I’m really sad that our school buildings are closed for the rest of the school year, but I’ve been trying to meet with my students on Google Hangouts Meet just to see their faces and see if they’re doing okay (I’m skeptical about Zoom at the moment). I hate not being able to control things like going to work everyday and seeing my students, and not knowing what the future will look like. I hate the fact that our kids are being set behind in many ways, and I’m worried about how next school year will be.
When I was my students’ age, school saved my life. My education was a place of safety and something I had ownership of when I felt I had nothing and no control at home. I feel for my kids who find school to be a safe haven and are now stuck in situations they can’t get relief from.
I’ve been crying a lot. Panic attacks from feeling out of control of things, as well as hurting for students that might be hurting during this time, negative pregnancy tests… my brain likes to think I am a failure first.
It’s times like these where it is easy to feel defeated and powerless. However, brain, I am stronger and more powerful during these times. I care so much, and I can do things nobody thinks are possible because I care and do what it takes. I don’t give up when it comes to those I care deeply for.
I’ve been assigning enrichment activities that bring a little bit of brightness for my students. My 9th graders are making skits recreating the story of Pyramus and Thisbe (the OG Romeo & Juliet story). I’m excited to see how their one-man shows will turn out. My 8th graders are reviewing the Civil War through historic literature and speeches. My 7th graders are writing about a person who changed their life. For whoever can do them, it’s something to do. It’s something for me to do to show how much I care. It matters.
The best news to come out of this time is no state testing this school year. Though some funding may be tied to state testing, our kids don’t need that added stress in normal times, and we don’t need less time to teach them about things that truly matter, like relationships.
All this to say, I’ve been absent from writing because I have been working through anxiety and prepping for distant learning, and connecting with my best friend through Animal Crossing.
Readers, how are you really doing? Are you alright? If not, I hope you will be soon. Please wash your hands. Sanitize your devices. Practice self-compassion.
NOTICE: Some of the following links are affiliate links. However, all of the products in this post I have purchased myself. Click here for more information.
Winter the kitten-cat modeling my bujo supplies.
Since I have been journaling for a while, I have accumulated some really cool things for making bullet journaling more fun for me. However, all you really need is a notebook and a pen. It doesn’t even have to be a dot grid notebook. My very first dot grid bullet journal was from Peter Pauper Press because I wasn’t sure if I would like bullet journaling and it was only $10 on Amazon. IF you want to test the waters on bullet journaling and don’t want to break the bank, I found another dot grid journal for only $8.09. I bought one for a friend who wanted to try it out recently, and it’s a great starter journal.
My red vegan leather sleeve and “starry night” insert! I’m so excited to use it!
My favorite A5 dot grid journal brand is Scribbles that Matter. The doodles are just adorable on the inside cover pages. I also love the fact that they have two bookmarks, a back pocket, and a pen loop. I’ve gone through three A5 Pro Versions of the dot grid journals. This company is always listening to its customer base and has come up with some amazing products. Recently, they have made vegan leather sleeves and inserts so you can choose your favorite color sleeve and change out inserts when you finish a journal. I LOVE this option for bullet journaling because the leather sleeve will last a while. I just got myself a red sleeve and the “starry night” insert. Get ready for JUNE 2020, because that’s when I start the next journal with BLACK PAGES (I go from June to May because I teach and it is a lot easier to organize my life around the school year rather than starting in January). I remember friends in middle school who used black paper notebooks with creamy gel pens and it just means so much to me to be able to let out my inner tween in bullet journaling. I only have three white gel pens for my black journal currently, but I definitely intend to get a few more things for black journals. Looking forward to showing you guys!
I really love having straight lines, and my favorite thing for straight lines are Jayden’sApple metal stencils on Etsy. They’re sturdy, practical, and versatile. I have the starter pack with a lined stencil for those terrible habit tracker things (habit trackers aren’t that bad I just have anxiety and perfectionism issues), a stencil with basic shapes (circles, triangles, angles for banners or drawing tags, hearts, leaves, etc.), and a circular stencil for mood trackers. The best part about these stencils is that all three of them will fit nicely in the back pocket area of my bullet journal.
For the white page notebooks, any pen you choose will work. Because I am a sloppy person who hates smudges, the fine point Sharpie pens work for me most of the time. Plus, they fit really nicely in my journal’s pen loop. I love fine lines for cute details and to keep things looking crisp. I am in the market for grey fine line pens, because I tend to use black for writing and grey for big things like monthly spreads. I also really love having the Pilot Frixion pens because they erase, but the downside is they smudge if you’re me and are not patient. But you can erase that too no problem. My best friend LOVES her Frixion pens. For fine line color, I go for Staedler fineliners.
Hand-lettering is a whole thing for bullet journaling too. I have collected quite a few options. Tombow dualbrush pens are nice, but also a little bulky and thick for day to day lettering like for a weekly spread. I only have the brights set, but I think if I were to do it over I’d go for pastel ones, which would be really nice for highlighting and shadowing. The best brush pens in my opinion are the Kuretake Watercolor brush pens. For me, they are easier to control size because the brush tip is more flexible, like an actual watercolor brush. I have the set of 24, but they have larger packs if you’re really into all the colors. My absolute favorite from Tombow is their Fudenosuke Brush Pens. They are a nice, rich black, and they do a beautiful job of dainty hand-lettering. Being patient with them is important, but they are so nice I can wait for them to dry a bit. Sometimes. I also use Crayola Supertips because they are extremely versatile. I have the pack of 100. I numbered every single pen by wrapping the cap in a little washi tape AND made a key on my test page because Supertips don’t have their color names on the markers (WHY) and I needed to know which marker was which color. Yes, I am extra.
My Crayola Supertips key is necessary!
For days when I just can’t be bothered to be cute and creative, there is washi tape. Washi tape is awesome. It’s pretty much the same everywhere for washi tape so I don’t have specific recommendations. Get a few packs of colors and patterns that speak to you and you’ll be set. I have a whole washi tape organizer full of washi tapes that I had to get because they were my aesthetic (meaning I saw they had pineapples, florals, and cuteness). I will not buy any more washi tape until there is space for it in my organizer (from Hobby Lobby). I promise, hubby.
Now, there’s something else I have to mention that I really love for my journal. A book sleeve for bullet journals. I have an “Indie-sized” floral one from bookbeau (as you can see my cat model for me in the first photo). Because I tend to bring my bullet journal everywhere with me, having a protective sleeve on it really helps it stay nice and neat, protecting it from whatever craziness is happening inside the bag. I’ve had a pen explode in my bag and it ruined the cover of my last bullet journal just days before my bookbeau sleeve arrived. My heart still hurts to think about it. Anyway, bookbeau has a lot of options in patterns and cute things, and there is also a cute store on Etsy called PagesRemembered that has more options for sleeves. I don’t think the vegan leather journal I bought will fit my Indie-sized bookbeau sleeve, so I may have to get a bigger one (and I saw one that has cats and books so….. I need that one).
These were all my bujo favorites so far. I’m working on keeping my bullet journal Instagram @babblesandbrainsbujo updated with my latest spreads. Hope to see you there!
Trying to stay motivated to finish my graduate program. Trying to get pregnant. Trying to plan something cute and fun for my fifth wedding anniversary. Trying to save for a house in California. Trying to stay on top of my grading and paperwork for the independent study program I teach at. Trying to get better at keeping my house clean. Trying to get motivated not to crash on the couch when I get home. Trying to organize what I need to stay on top of with bullet journaling. Trying to get consistent with writing. Trying to stay out of my anxiety brain. Trying to write. Trying to get into the role of my new character in a new Dungeons and Dragons campaign that my friend wants to stream weekly on twitch (gulp). Trying to get stuff done to play the new Animal Crossing game when it comes out. In no particular order.
I’ve obviously got a lot going on. I have a lot I strive to be. I’m so lucky to have the opportunity to try and achieve these things. I’m in a great place right now with my job. I have a roof over my head, and three cats to cuddle with me and my husband. I’ve got a fantastic husband who is learning to cook for us while I’m working and going to school.
Right now though, I am exhausted. I think it’s the cold I contracted from my students (not the novel Corona virus, just a head cold). And my period and the fertility medication I am taking so we can start a family. And that it is typically a two week spring break for my district right now but my new school runs on a schedule where we only have one week, and doesn’t start until March 16. It definitely looks like I am burning the candle at both ends. I’m trying not to do that.
My teacup panther laying on my hair so I stay lying down.
I’m practicing self-care and self-compassion. I think that’s why I’m writing this right now. I’ve got a lot on my plate. It’s hard work. I don’t know if there is an end in site to the amount of work left that needs to be done. I also know I’ve got a great support system and know that there are others like me who are also exhausted at this time because of all the things they have to accomplish. I’m trying to prioritize what makes me truly happy and what I need to get done. It’s okay that I don’t have the cleanest house in the world right now. As long as the bathroom and kitchen are consistently disinfected, it’s okay if there’s cat toys all over the house right now. It’s okay if I have six garbage bags in the closet full of clothes to donate since Fall 2019 and haven’t taken them out yet (Marie Kondo won’t approve, but I’m not paying her to help me minimize my belongings. I’m a teacher I can’t afford that). Those things will get done when I’m ready. Next week during spring break. I can wait three more days to fulfill my desire to scrub the entire apartment from top to bottom and get rid of everything that does not bring joy.
A messy house makes me anxious. Our house isn’t even that bad. I was just raised by a hoarder and I don’t want to be like that. It makes my skin crawl to know that I have a tendency to be a mess.I also have been incapable of getting things together the way I wanted it since we moved into this apartment mid-school-year in 2016. What about the summer? No, not able to get it together then either. Because my most debilitating anxiety and depressive episodes have been happening when I’m not in charge of a hundred teenagers. This year is different though. I finally started taking medication to help me function as a human every day, including my off time. I’m ready to get things together! After I sleep for two days straight.
I’m trying. I’m working on it. I’m putting in the effort. I’m not just speaking it into the universe. I’m just really tired right now and need to catch up on a period of rest my body is telling me I need. Don’t forget to rest, because it is good and you can get back to everything you’re trying with much more energy.
I started bullet journaling a couple of years ago. Mostly because planners always lose my interest after the first month or two. Doesn’t matter how cute they are or what stickers they come with, I lose motivation to keep track of things I needed done with regular planners. Then, my best friend started talking about trying bullet journaling. Then a fellow colleague told me they were going to start trying it. So of course I got interested. I started research.
Side note: I research things to death. I’ll babble about that another time.
Anyways, I realized that bullet journaling was a pretty useful tool for me to be more creative whenever my creative muscle needs to flex. I could change things up each month, make my own themes and colors, get real simple and quick during my busiest times and still interact with my bullet journal as much or as little as I want to. It’s perfect for my Type-B brain that needs to perform in Type-A mode to keep my anxiety in check.
I failed a lot along the way with bullet journaling. I hate habit tracking and almost never do it because if I can’t be perfect and fill in all the little stupid squares in the month, then the overachiever in me feels like I accomplished nothing. Sometimes I would make an entire month of weeklies and not touch my bullet journal for three weeks after because I was just surviving, and the overachiever in me felt like I failed at organizing.
However, the fact that I put effort into my own planner even if I didn’t touch it those weeks or use my annoying habit trackers made me feel like I interacted with the process of organizing. It works for me even when I don’t work on it because creative outlets are necessaryfor my survival.
This is all to say that I bullet journal. I do it my way. Sometimes it’s intricate, sometimes it’s just stickers and washi tape, but it’s my whole life of teaching and schooling and living in one little book. If I don’t take the thing with me everywhere I feel naked and lost. This month already has felt strange because I forgot to even set up my first week of March so I’m already feeling behind and rushed. Here’s some pictures of what I have right now that are also on my new bullet journal insta @babblesandbrainsbujo. I’ll probably be better next week because I’m trying really hard to be the writer I want to be and time management is key for my success here. I’m not planning to create the perfect curated bullet journal insta that has everyone swooning with the perfect pictures with the cute pens and stationery accessories scattered around it. My aesthetic is hot mess. It’s going to be just me doing what I do, showing that it is possible to be all over the place but still getting it together with a little bit of creative planning.
"That must be so difficult!"
"I'll pray for you."
"I could never!"
"You must be a saint!"
"I'm so sorry!"
"Wait, you chose to teach middle school?!"
When people ask me about my profession, these phrases most often follow my reply. I sort of get that they’re trying to tell me my job is important. However, it also sounds like middle school kids are the absolute worst people in the universe.
Unpopular opinion: I don’t actually like when people say these things about my job, about my students. What, because they’re developing critical thinking skills and asking questions about their world and their truth they’re terrible? Are they presumed to be awful because they know how to post Tiktoks and keep streaks on Snapchat? I don’t agree with vilifying tweenagers. In fact, I am actually really lucky to be teaching middle school.
Here’s what is true about my students: You can actually talk to them. Because seventh and eighth graders are older and developing critical thinking skills, we have many conversations about real-world experiences: how to vote, economics and taxes, health and well-being, family struggles, et cetera. They are curious about these things, and they want to practice having conversations with people about these things because they already know they will have to face these conversations as adults. Treating them as if you wouldn’t want to voluntarily go near them is actually harmful to their critical thinking skills and emotional state. I’m so lucky I have a group of students who want to have real conversations with me. I’m so lucky I don’t have to teach kids who don’t really understand what adulthood might be yet.
They are still adorable. Probably not in the same way as a roly-poly cuddly toddler, but they can still be just the cutest things ever. Examples: An eighth-grader yelling at someone to get tissues right away because they saw a seventh grader crying under a table outside, catching a seventh grader who hates reading completely engrossed in a book you recommended, a wiggly tween bouncing around on a yoga ball while intensely working at their desk, and watching all of these kids from different backgrounds actually caring about each other and becoming true friends. I’m lucky I get to witness how cute they are and be a part of their formative years.
They aren’t evil. Sure, I get some days of attitude and exaggerated drama. I get tattle-tales and sidekicks (those who decide to like to say “Yeah, Mrs. Huft said _____” after I correct a student). They’re still young, and they are learning how to socialize. They’re learning how to process their emotions. They’re learning how to create lasting bonds. I’ve got two students who I would have never imagined being the sweetest and hardworking students ever calling me “mom” because even though they put up their hard walls with attitude, I didn’t back down and cared instead. How could someone say “I’m sorry” that I teach middle school when they are all learning how to be loving and kind? I am so lucky that I get to teach students right at the age where they are trying to figure out who they truly want to be and help them get there.
I am really excited to start my blog up with absolutely no focus, just life stuff and what I like.
A babble about me: I’m an English teacher at a brand new, really cool school program. I teach middle school and high school children (I know, a lot of people say “God bless you for teaching middle school,” and I have something to say about that soon). I’m in my second year of clearing my teaching credential, but I’ve been a teacher for five years. I LOVE my job.
I also roped myself into working toward an administrative credential and Master’s degree. AND my husband and I are trying to start a family. I’ve been through so much in life already and I am only 28. I bullet journal to keep my life from overwhelming my already cluttered thoughts and feelings. You can actually find my bullet journaling page @babblesandbrainsbujo.
babbles&brains 