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Posted in Trying to Become Parents Journey

Trying to Become Parents- Part 4: Pandemic Blues

Posted on by babbles&brains

Warning: This post has moments that are possibly TMI.

Trying to have a baby in a pandemic is difficult, especially if it is difficult to conceive. I finally started my period (about a week and a half late because I don’t think I ovulated. Believe me, I took a ton of pregnancy tests, all negative). I called the clinic as instructed on the first day of my cycle, and guess what? No appointments available.

The fertility clinic patients are getting treatments every other cycle with all of the regulations and social distancing rules. So since I couldn’t get an appointment this time, I’m on the list to get an appointment next cycle. But I don’t know when that will happen at this point. It’s not guaranteed that I can get an appointment next cycle either.

This is hard. I really need to have this appointment to rule out cysts and begin a different treatment to conceive. It’s the next step to starting a family for us. It’s all up in the air now.

I thought I found some patience and peace about waiting since meeting the specialist at an online appointment. Now I’m just so frustrated, and sad. Why can’t I just be a little bit normal at least and conceive like so many others can? How come no matter how much I want to be a parent, there are SO many obstacles in the way? What is so wrong with me?

There are other patients who are older than me, where time is running out for them, and they deserve the chance to have a family if they want it. Thankfully, I’m still young and have time, even if I’m tired of waiting. I may have to be more patient still.

Stay healthy and safe, everyone. I think we all want things to go back to normal.

Until next time,

Babbles&brains

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Posted in Teaching & Education

Focusing on the Good: Teaching in Fall 2020

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We all need some good news right now, so all I’m going to focus on in this post is all the good things that are happening right now while I’m teaching during this pandemic. Today marks the third week of real distance teaching, and these are the good things I’ve chosen to focus on so far:

My students. I cannot get over how awesome my students are. They’re all ready and WILLING to learn. It is truly amazing and beautiful. Not even kidding I could brag about them all day. I am SO PROUD that my students are on top of things, and it makes keeping them accountable so much easier. I think they all miss being in school and want to be part of it even if it’s distantly. It makes my heart full. I know it’s not the same for all the grade levels, and Pre-K to 3rd grades really need all the community building time they can get and in-person instruction. I hope we can all get that soon. I am so happy that my middle and high school students are stepping it up to be their best.

Quiet time. I’m always available for my students during school hours, but during school hours it’s been so nice to give direct instruction and then let them do their thing while checking in. The kids like being able to have the opportunity to go and focus on their work and not get distracted by others. It’s not the same for all households, but they are getting into the groove of finding their perfect school area at home to learn. I have a few students who struggled last year who are absolutely killing it because they’re figuring out what works for them. Also, I can get my grading done much faster, which is the bane of my existence.

Helping out. Family is super important to me, and I have two nieces enrolled at my school. So I get to have them over a few times a week to work on staying on top of school during distance learning, as they both struggled a lot last spring. I am excited to give them a space to learn and grow during a pandemic. Plus, it helps my sister out while she is working to have someone to look out for her daughters. I’m more than happy to help whenever I’m needed.

Time to Calm Down. I get myself really busy, but being able to work from home has given me so many opportunities to work on my mental health and working on self-compassion. I know other teachers in other places don’t have the opportunity to work from home right now, but getting this time, even if it’s not going to last forever, has been such a blessing to my head space. Most of the time, anyway.

My Students. Did I mention them already? Because I LOVE being their teacher no matter what. Getting to teach them new things and interact at their level has been a really great learning experience.

Anyway, I just wanted to share the good things. The silver linings. The bright side. Positive vibes.

Do me a favor, and thank a teacher for persevering, for being tenacious, for caring. They need that right now. Make their whole week by just saying something kind.

Until next time,

Babbles&brains

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Trying to Become Parents, Part 3

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Bad news first: we are still not pregnant.

Good news: We finally had our first appointment with our fertility specialist.

Here’s what happened.

Our blood tests came back good and normal, my HSG procedure had normal results, and my husband’s sample was normal. I’ve been having regular periods since I took Clomid back in April.

The only thing we don’t know and haven’t ruled out is Poly-Cystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). I don’t know why, but my OB never did a routine ultrasound to see the health of my ovaries. I have only had ultrasounds done at the emergency room back in January when I had a hemorrhagic cyst, and nobody told me anything else about my ovaries. We have to do that at the start of my next cycle (if we can get an appointment). We were informed that there are other medications and treatments we can do to help me continue ovulating, which I am thankful that there are more options before more expensive and invasive treatments.

If we don’t have success with a different medication after a few cycles, we will probably end up doing Intrauterine Insemination (IUI).

Thankfully, all of these treatments are partially covered with our insurance. It doesn’t mean that it won’t be expensive, but it does mean that we can make it happen comfortably with some smart budgeting. That is a huge relief.

I’ve been working very hard on reducing stress and anxiety during this time, and am so relieved to have more information on how my body is working. I’m finally beginning to feel hopeful again that we can really become parents.

Until next time,

Babbles&brains

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Posted in Bullet Journaling

Bullet Journal update! August 2020

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NOTICE: Some of the following links are affiliate links. However, all of the products in this post I have purchased myself. Click here for more information.

It’s been a minute since I shared bullet journaling stuff on my blog. Last time I talked about my supplies. For this school year, I got the Scribbles That Matter “Starry Night” insert. I also the white Sakura Gelly Roll White pens to start off with. After doing a lot of research, I was able to score some inexpensive metallic brush pens. For my birthday, a friend sent me the Sakura Moonlight Gelly Roll Pens and THEY. ARE. SO. CUTE! I’ve got some tips and tricks about these things, which I’ll share today.

I didn’t share my July on time, and I also skipped a few weeks. But I have pics of what I have done so here it is. I found the ice cream super adorable, and got the idea from a friend who did shave ice and ice cream for her July theme.

And I actually used a little bit of washi tape. SO CUTE!

So, I’m getting used to these black pages. And since I’ve been working with it, here is some advice for you to keep things looking good!

Let it dry. Gel pens are gorgeous, fluid, shapely, but they take a while to dry. A looooong while. More than you think. I get impatient and close my book and BOOM. Gel pen transfer on my pretty pages. I still don’t know how to get it to dry and solidify quicker. That’s my next research project.

Easy Fixing with Black ink. The awesome thing about my black journal is that it is SO easy to fix a mistake and make it unnoticeable: using black ink. I have been using the Tombow Fudenosuke pens for fixing little transfer dots, line mishaps, and if I write Monday instead of Sunday while trying to write out my weekly. Let that black ink dry too.

Have fun! Seriously, it’s all about having fun for me right now while I organize my life into one dotted notebook. Anything cute and adorable on Pinterest for white page notebooks can totally be re-imagined for black pages. For example, my August spread:

Yeah, I made citrus look freaking fantastic on black pages.

I love working in this journal. I can’t wait to make a nighttime fall theme for September.

That’s all for now. I’ll update you on my Trying to Become Parents next Wednesday.

Sincerely,

Babbles&brains

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Trying to Become Parents: Part 2

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I was really hoping this month would be the month. I was so relaxed, calm, and filled my days with things that made me happy.

I even got some pretty intense “could it be PMS or pregnancy?” symptoms I was tracking. For whatever reason, a LOT of heartburn and breast tenderness. Unfortunately, I’m not pregnant. It’s just that time of the month again.

Which is actually really good, because now I am having more regular cycles, so hopefully I am ovulating more regularly. I was able to schedule with radiology and I actually got an appointment for next week! I know it will be good to have this done so we can get a closer look at what is going on. It’s just not going to feel good. My husband is also going to be getting his specimen tested next week. So soon, we will have more information to help us.

Seven-ish months of trying though. I feel like a failure sometimes. Like, I didn’t start trying soon enough, or my body is failing to make it happen. I also feel like I’m running out of time for no reason. I’m only twenty-eight, but I’m already twenty-eight.

Anyway, I’m still waiting to go back to all the tracking until after our tests are done and we have our first appointment with the fertility doctor for their guidance. I am going to feel so relieved knowing more information about what’s going on and getting the help we need to conceive.

I guess that’s all for my update. I’m okay. Mostly. I’m still hopeful.

Thanks for listening,

Babbles&brains

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Posted in Mental Health

Anxiety & Me: How I Get Through

Posted on by babbles&brains

Possible Trigger Warning: There will be talk about my personal experience with anxiety and PTSD.

If you have anxiety, you understand how difficult it is to manage. Most of the time, I can manage, but sometimes I can’t, but I am finally at a stage where I can usually get through it. I wanted to share how I get through bouts of anxiety attacks, and hopefully it may help someone struggling.

Being Observant: It took me a long time to figure out what triggers my anxiety. Paying attention to the events that happen before an anxiety attack will help you identify what causes the attack. For me, Walmart is a huge trigger. I can’t even drive to the parking lot of Walmart alone (at least in my hometown, but I prefer not to shop at any Walmart for many reasons now). This is because I experienced trauma by two people who used to work there as a young teenager, and on a trip exploring the superstore walking alone, I WALKED PAST the one person I never wanted to see again or know existed in the public in my entire life. My lizard brain does not want to deal with that ever again, so it gets heated at the thought of even entering the parking lot in an attempt to protect me. Understanding the trigger to an anxiety attack is very helpful in the self-talk needed to get through an anxiety attack in a shorter amount of time.

Quiet Spaces: Finding a quiet space at the onset of an anxiety attack is really important for me to focus on grounding myself. I’m not picky about it though, because there are no perfect places when in the midst of an anxiety attack. Bathroom stalls, inside my car, my walk-in closet, or going outside if indoors– these are all quiet spaces I’ve gone to when I experience the beginning of an anxiety attack. It just needs to be a space where I can hear myself think.

Self-Compassion: I think this is the most important. I know I tend to be harsh on myself, and getting frustrated when having anxiety only causes more stress and exacerbates the issue. When you are having an anxiety attack, it is very important that you are giving yourself the care and compassion you deserve. So make self-compassion part of your self-care routine. Currently, I really am enjoying working on self-compassion with The Power of Self-Compassion by Laurie J. Cameron. It’s a fantastic audio book from Audible (not sponsored). Granting yourself the compassion you would to a best friend (or for me, a beloved student) is so important to get you through times of anxiety.

Talk Therapy: Get yourself some healthy coping mechanisms through therapy. Get someone objective to talk to that wants to help you be your best self. Unfortunately, partners don’t count, as usually they are not licensed professionals to help you get the tools you need. Through talk therapy though, you can get some tools to help your partner become even more amazing and supportive (if you have one). During this pandemic, I have found BetterHelp (not sponsored) to be a great option to have access to someone to talk to, and they are very good about helping with affordability.

Medication: Even with everything I do to get through anxiety, I was having a very difficult time last year and was consistently having anxiety attacks far too often for me to live my life. Even with all of my coping skills. At that time, it is important to discuss with a doctor about what has been going on and let them know everything you have done to get through it. Often, they will give a questionnaire and discuss medication options that fit with your lifestyle. To me, medication isn’t a bad thing. It’s like wearing glasses to help you see better. I also requested to get additional blood work done to check my thyroid levels, as I know my family has a history of Hashimoto’s hypothyroidism, and it finally showed up for me, after many checks throughout high school and college. An underactive thyroid affects the brain’s ability to function properly, and for me, it caused intense anxiety. So, now I am taking medication for my thyroid and medication for anxiety, but with the work I am doing to be as healthy as possible, I may not need the anxiety medication much longer as my thyroid has help functioning properly.

So, those are some of the things I find helps me get through my anxiety. Some days are better than others, but overall, I am having fewer anxiety attacks, and have been able to get to the end of an anxiety attack in a shorter amount of time. I think the amount of natural light I’ve been getting in our new house has also been beneficial for my mental health. If you’re struggling, I really hope these ideas may help you find peace and clarity. Let me know what works for you!

Stay healthy, y’all.

Sincerely,

Babbles&brains

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Posted in Miscellaneous Shenanigans

Plant Parenting!

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I love gardening. I think in general, I love taking care of things and watching things grow, which is why I teach, and why I want to be a parent. With our new house that is ours, we have a gorgeous setup for a beautiful garden where I can work on getting a green thumb.

I really want indoor plants too. However, I have to be extremely careful because of my fur children. My black cat would prefer to be exactly where I want indoor plants to be, and I really need to get them their own plants that are safe and chew-able before putting mine out. So in the meantime, all of my plants are on top of the refrigerator except for my new orchid, which is in another warm, bright shade spot protected from my cats.

So, here are some of my plants babies that I got a couple of weeks ago. They are all still alive! I have named them and have grown very attached. I cant wait to add more to the family!

This is a giant bird of paradise. She’s not staying indoors, but her name is Linda Belcher and she’s going to be the most gorgeous over the top cutie outdoors ever! She’s expected to grow up to 30 feet tall!
This is Lucy, my purple phalaenopsis orchid. I have never had an orchid and am very nervous about being the best mom for this lil cutie. I repotted her so she has better ventilation.
This is Sandra Dee, my string of pearls succulent. I’m planning to put her in a hanging planter when she grows up a bit.
This is SNEK, my snake plant. I love it!

I do have a couple more propagating, like a Tradescantia Zebrina that I’ve named Zeb Egg who is about 50/50 on deciding to live or die right now. She’s a little sensitive and has been through a lot (thanks to my teacup Panther, who is doing fine and is not sick from the plant thank GOODNESS) so I’m not going to include a picture.

By the way, I KNOW that some of the plants I choose to have are not safe for cats if ingested. I also know my cats, who will be much more interested in their own foliage than mine depending on placement. I have plans in the works to give them a mini field of cat grass and other edible cat plants so we can all get along.

I don’t want to stop here! I have more plant babies that I would love to treasure in my home.

This is my Plant Wish List:

  • Cast Iron Plant- because it’s durable.
  • Monstera- because it’s adorable.
  • String of Hearts- because our house is filled with love. And have you seen them? SO CUTE! I want to hang them all over the house!
  • Mini Phalaenopsis Orchids- because the blooms are so tiny and cute!
  • More Phalaenopsis Orchids- because they are safe for cats and pretty and I need more colors!
  • ALL THE SAFE SUCCULENTS- Echeveria, Haworthia, Hens and Chickens, Donkey Tail, etc. Because succulents are amazing and I love them and I have plans to cover my entire front yard in succulents.
  • As much Cat Grass and Catnip plants for my cats as possible so they stop trying to attack my babies.
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Trying to Become Parents, Part 1

Posted on by babbles&brains

I’m a teacher in an alternative education school, going to school for my masters and administrative credential, my husband and I just bought a house and moved in, and from the depths of my heart and soul I want to be a mom. So much.

I got married at 23, and my husband and I wanted to wait and live children-free before we started family planning. So we waited five years. Rather, I waited impatiently, and my husband had a set date before we would start trying: January 2020. Got to be honest, I was not happy with waiting for so long, and I wanted to start trying as soon as I turned 27. However, it was my husband who needed time to feel a little more “ready,” and I know he will be an even better dad for his patience.

I don’t have a detailed knowledge of my paternal health history, so I made sure that in 2019 to get a genetic screening to see if I was a carrier for anything that would impact the health of our future child. Thankfully, I am not a carrier.

I know that for many women, they wait at least one year of trying before seeking help from their OBGYN. However, in January I made sure to seek help because I’m really impatient, AND I have irregular cycles. I didn’t have a regular period for 8 months in 2019, which means I likely wasn’t ovulating at all. In January, I had a hemorrhagic cyst (my doctor said it was tiny) and ended up in the emergency room because of the pain and all the bleeding. After checking in with my OB after the emergency room visit, we decided to work on getting my body to ovulate with Clomid (also known as Clomiphene).

I was so hopeful. I worked so hard: peeing into little cups, taking my temperature in the middle of the night, checking cervical mucus, doing the horizontal-no-pants-dance at the optimal times, losing weight so that it will be easier to conceive, the whole enchilada. I took Clomid for four cycles, and the last two I took Clomid at double original dose per my doctor’s instructions. All of the testing I was doing at home said I had ovulated every time.

All pregnancy results were negative, and since I took over three rounds of Clomid with no success, there was nothing else my OBGYN could do to help me get pregnant. Every single time I got a negative result, I was devastated. The last round and negative result caused me to be stuck in bed crying and hating my body for at minimum a week.

It’s okay to mourn for something that didn’t ever happen, especially if you very much wanted it to.

So I took a break from stressing myself out at the end of May through June. I mean, we had to move into our new home anyway and that was stressful enough.

Our journey to becoming parents isn’t over. We were referred to a fertility clinic and are going to get a whole gambit of testing done. Unfortunately, with the COVID-19 outbreak, I couldn’t schedule anything in June really and radiology is only doing one of the procedures I need to schedule and it’s time-sensitive. So now I have to wait for another cycle and MAYBE I’ll be able to do all the tests required. I just want to know what’s going on with my body. Do I have Poly-cystic Ovarian Syndrome? Do I have endometriosis? Is there something else that’s keeping me from ovulating? I need to know what’s going on to eradicate my irrational fear of never getting to be a parent.

I’ve always had the irrational fear that I might never be able to have a baby, because of how I came to be. Currently, I’m trying to get rid of that fear, but it’s been six months with no success even with assistance, it’s starting to feel more rational. So I’m not going to keep up all the testing and tracking right now. I just can’t do that for my sanity.

I’m not going to stop trying. I’m just going to keep working on limiting stress and keeping my body as healthy as possible, and make attempts at being patient.

Don’t wish me baby dust or send baby dust my way, that sounds way too creepy. Also, please don’t give me advice right now, it makes me feel inadequate. I mean, I have doctors who are doing their best to figure things out, and a lot of independent researching of my own. If you want to give support, the best ways for me are: prayer, good vibes, peace and calm, well wishes, eating cookies and ice cream on my behalf, and keep reading whenever I post.

I will keep you in the loop on the next update.

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House Update! June 2020

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Note: Some of the links in this post are affiliate links. You definitely do not have to use them, and I will only provide links to things I personally have used and liked, but it would totally help out a little teacher blogger!

We’ve been spending a lot of time getting the house in order in the last few weeks. Here’s an update on what we have done so far.

Step 1: Removing the wallpaper. Luckily for us and this wallpaper remover, we got all the wallpaper off in ONE DAY. ALL of it. Three rooms of wallpaper GONE. And the glue residue is really easy to remove also: just a dense sponge and hot water gets it right off. The fuzzy plaid wallpapered room needs the sponge and hot water one more time before we paint, but I am extremely happy that we were able to remove all the wallpaper.

The FUZZY plaid wallpaper is now gone, but here is the middle of the process!

Step 2: Primer and Painting. This is something we are still doing, but we finished painting the living room walls, the kitchen, the hallways, and our master bedroom. We used mold/mildew killing primer in the kitchen and will do the same in the bathrooms. I am so excited that I now have a gorgeous dark teal accent wall in our master bedroom, and it’s going to look so nice when it all comes together.

I LOVE my accent wall! The master used to be a grey-brown, and now it’s tranquil and so pretty!

Step 3: HVAC repair. Ugh this was a journey. Working with our city’s utility services has been a nightmare, and they shut off the power to our house while their offices were closed (fearing riots) with no clear information on who to contact and what to do the day we were supposed to get our HVAC repaired. Thankfully, we got it all sorted out finally, and a week later, our HVAC is running properly, filters have been replaced, and it cost double what we thought it would. Of course. Such is the life of home owning.

Step 4: All the little things and also moving and the big things. The second bathroom toilet flapper broke so we had to replace that. We moved out of our apartment and cleaned it thoroughly so we could turn in the keys, and brought everything to our new home. My niece came for a few days to help me unpack the kitchen and clean the old apartment, and that was such a great help. Our three cats were terrified of the new place for a few days, but are now adventuring everywhere and they absolutely LOVE all the windows.

There is a lot we want to accomplish with our new home, but we did move in a week ago and I’ve got the unpacking to deal with for now. More pictures will come once we get settled. Thank goodness it’s the summer so I have a little more time to unpack and organize!

We definitely purchased a project home, and have a lot of things in store, but I am so happy to make this place my own with my husband. I am SO HAPPY. Only a week living in our new home and it has been the BEST.

Sincerely, Babbles&brains

Posted in Mental Health

Friendships: Real and Not Real

Posted on by babbles&brains
Just a small sampling of the real friendships I’ve accumulated over the years. I love them all so much!!!

Some people are so smart, yet have no common sense. I was one of these people. Well, technically, there are some areas where I need to flex my common sense muscle, but I want to talk about friendships. I used to not understand how to make friends and keep them, but I’ve been working on how to focus my attention on important relationships, and let the other ones go. There are friendships that are real and true and amazing, and there are fake friendships that make you feel like a terrible person but if you need to cut ties, it is perfectly okay to do so. So, I’m writing about how I tell my friendships apart, because there’s a few things I’ve noticed recently that have just set me on edge.

Signs of Real Friendships:

  • You may not talk every day. You may not have the mental capacity to talk every month, but when you do, it’s like the relationship never missed a beat. The friendship is comfortable enough not to need constant assurance that it is a real friendship. I have several of these and it is so relaxing to have a friend that understands a busy life or mental illness and still loves you a lot to always be around for when it counts.
  • You can talk to this person and they will listen. You don’t have to worry about them sharing every juicy detail about your life to someone else. They won’t offer advice every single time either, just support and understanding.
  • When something terrible happens, they’re there for you, even if not physically there. Vice versa when something great happens. They’re supporting you when you’re feeling inadequate and worthless, and they’re supporting you when you feel on top of the world.
  • They confront you. When you’ve said or done something that hurts someone else, they talk to you about what happened without telling you that you’re awful and wrong (especially if you think you’re a terrible person all the time).
  • You can angry rant to them about something you are furious about. Even if they have a different opinion than you on the topic. They listen and care.
  • They remember your birthday without a Facebook reminder (most of the time). I have my best friends on my birthdays bullet journal spread with my family.
  • On the rare occasion where they genuinely ask for advice, they take it into deep consideration and trust that you care enough to help them.
  • They might hurt you sometimes. That’s the risk of a relationship. But every single time, they genuinely apologize and work on the friendship with you. This happened to me in high school with a bestie, and we grew through it and are both much better friends because of it.

Signs of Fake Friendships

  • They tell you what to do and how to think. Even if it’s something small. It’s not even a conversation or debate. It’s a “my way or the highway” mentality (toxic).
  • When they ask for advice all the time and they never take it, like they just want to go through the motions of asking a friend about something. They don’t think your advice is in their best interest.
  • They tell someone else what you said in confidence.
  • Saying “I’m sorry you feel that way” or something similar to quickly apologize or move away from confrontation. They don’t actually want to work on the friendship. In fact, this type of apology isn’t an acknowledgement of a mistake, just an acknowledgement they got caught hurting you.
  • Asking “are we still friends?” Honestly, you should never have to ask an adult that question. Seeking constant approval that you are friends is not a healthy friendship. This is very different from the “can we be friends?” question. If you want to be friends, ask, and you only need to ask once.
  • When a “friend” says or does something that makes you feel unimportant, useless, or worthless.
  • Someone who expects you to do things for them with no reciprocation. Or, doing a small thing and expecting something more in return.
  • Only wanting to be around during good times. Those “fair weather” friends. They still exist. They don’t want to see you down because it kills their vibe.
  • Someone who ditches plans with you to be with a partner, a prospective partner, or just because without giving advance notice, or just ghosts you when they have a partner (I was guilty of this once. I now know the value of maintaining friendships while also having a partner).
  • Someone who is inconsiderate of time constraints and the need to carefully plan around life, work, personalities, and mental health. If we’re going to hang out together, I can do arts and crafts or have a drink and watch Nailed It from 6-9pm on Friday afternoon and I need to be home promptly at 9:15 to feet my cats. Don’t call me Tuesday at lunch and expect me to be there after work to go bar-hopping. I’m never going to say yes to that. I’m an adult, an introvert, and a teacher. Bar-hopping will not recharge me and will just trigger anxiety.
  • Someone who is always forgetting or is inconsiderate of your own plans in life. I had this “friend,” whom I told on multiple occasions that I was going to be gone a specific weekend to spend time with my family and husband, and they messaged me on the way to our trip and during our trip THE NEXT DAY asking to hang out. No, I told you before, multiple times, I’m not in town. Thanks for listening.
  • Ghosting you after telling them your plans for the next year involving baby-making. Or, ghosting you if you don’t plan on having children ever.
  • Consistently skipping out on a friend’s birthday even though you went to theirs. For example, we went to a “friend’s” partner’s birthday, playing mini golf two hours away from home and eating at a restaurant. Then, months later, when I was in the works to plan out my husband’s birthday, going to a whiskey tasting (already paid for) two hours away from home and dinner, this couple said they couldn’t make it. Then on the day of his birthday, they didn’t even message him, knowing it was his birthday. Money wasn’t the issue here. They were just being jerks.
  • This sign: the “friend” texting you around Christmas, then leaving you on read during your birthday month, then telling them happy birthday on their birthday later and they do not even acknowledge that they missed your birthday. That is so mean!
  • Choosing to only be friends with their partner’s closest friends, following their partner’s friendships rather than maintaining their own. I was lucky to have three best friends whose partners I also like. But even if I don’t like your partner a lot or even know your partner that well, I’m still willing to be your friend and grow that friendship to include others.

Many of the signs of fake friendship have to do with being inconsiderate. It’s a hot button for me. As an INFJ, I am so deeply considerate of others (and am constantly working on being more considerate) that not getting even a little consideration in return makes me want to just cut off that relationship completely. I’m 27, I don’t have time to waste on wishy-washy friends. I want to work on the good ones I’ve already got going. But also I love having friends so if you want to be real friends I’m down. I am really going to need some mom friends when I conceive.

If some of the “signs of fake friendship” apply to one of your friendships, take the time to re-evaluate the relationship and see if you want to keep it going or not. It’s okay to end a friendship that isn’t working for you or your friend. When you move your attention away from a not-so-great friendship, you’ll be able to focus on finding and investing in a great friendship.

However, if you feel like some of the “signs of a fake friendship” seem to apply to you, you can change your actions to become a real friend. Others can as well, but only if they want to. Keep working on you as much as you want, and I’ll keep working on me.

Please work on finding real friendships and becoming a real friend. It will make the world so much brighter.

Sincerely, Babbles&brains