I know, it’s been ages. But that’s the best news, right?
Our sweet boy is now one year and 3 months old, and it’s been a whirlwind. I really wanted to do my best and focus on my first year as a little family. So, thanks for waiting for about two years for me.
His sweet little hands!
For the sake of allowing my babe to have a choice in his digital footprint, among other protections my son deserves, I will only be posting non-identifying photos of my son on my blog. Thanks for understanding!
I don’t want this blog to be intolerably long, so I will let you know I plan to update weekly on Thursdays with each month of adventure we’ve had so far with our son.
It’s taken me ages to upload. So many things have happened since the last update to this journey. Good news and bad news.
I’ll start with a bit of good news. We did a transfer of our only male embryo. The two week wait and the hcg beta tests were so extremely nerve-wracking. I was so nervous that I wouldn’t have good news, but the numbers doubled, and then at the third beta test, the results skyrocketed to about 6 times over the expected doubling. Which should have indicated to me that we were dealing with multiples but I was just lucky to finally be pregnant and it really stuck in there.
The bad news is, I was carrying twins for about seven weeks. We found out when I was 6 weeks and some days that I was carrying two babies, strong heartbeats, similar in size. At our next monitoring check around week 8 and 3 days, one of them no longer had a heartbeat.
We had about two weeks to absorb the idea of having twins, and just started to get excited and call them “the boys” because we were pretty sure they were identical twins from our one embryo splitting into two. That’s a story for another day because our doctor is convinced it was from my ovulation as it showed signs of genetic abnormality (but we followed directions and didn’t have sex before or after transfer so how did it get there?!).
Vanishing twin syndrome is pretty common, but often missed with regular unassisted pregnancies. Since I’ve been monitored every two weeks, we saw it happen. It gave us a little bit of time to love another baby before it was gone, but still heartbreaking. I never expected to experience a pregnancy loss and my first pregnancy at the same time.
And that’s the good news. I am 9 weeks and 5 days today. Our baby boy that stayed earth-side is growing so well. We got to hear his heartbeat, he’s got fingers and toes, and he’s just perfect. We are going to be parents by April 30!
Our little embryo that could!
As much as we are saddened by the loss, we are so grateful that we still have a baby and that we still get to be parents. I’m trying to stay as positive as possible because our baby deserves the least amount of distress.
So much has happened since the last time I posted. The PGT results came in and indicated that we had three genetically viable embryos, and we signed off on transferring one this month. Transfer day was August 12, 2022.
My sweet husband and I, very much ready for our first embryo transfer.
The transfer itself was very quick. The prep was not fun. Apparently I have a smaller bladder than normal people so that made things uncomfortable for a while. But it was done and it was a perfect transfer!
And now, we’re waiting for my beta test appointments. Four days left actually for when I get results. FOUR. DAYS.
I’ve never been this close to being pregnant before. I don’t know what I’m supposed to feel in my body with pregnancy, so I can’t really say with confidence that I am without more proof. I have the cutest picture of our embryo, but I’m not ready to share it until we get our official news.
After all this time, we have four embryos being biopsied and frozen.
This is next! AHHHH THIS IS NEXT.
I am over the moon excited we have such a good chance of being parents now. We’re so close!
Now we just have to wait for our pgt results and my body to rest to get ready for pregnancy.
From 21 eggs, we had 16 mature eggs, and 9 fertilized normally, and by day 5/6 we got four embryos growing properly enough to be PGT tested.
We haven’t completely decided quite yet because we will discuss the plans with our doctor and nurse, but we’re really hoping we can do two embryos at once this first egg transfer in mid-August. I don’t mind twins, though I know the goal is one healthy pregnancy at a time and multiples make it risky. But we also have to wait to see if our embryos have all the chromosomes they’re supposed to for a viable pregnancy. So our number of embryos could be smaller in about two weeks. I’m really hoping we continue receiving good news on our little ones.
So I’ve been doing the stimulation injections for 10 days and we’re so close to the egg retrieval! I trigger tonight and tomorrow morning and retrieval surgery is on Monday. It’s here. It’s really happening!
An illustrated example of what we hope to happen with all our eggs Monday!
I have 23 follicles growing steadily. I’m absolutely one to count eggs before they hatch. This is how my math works: 23 eggs that can get fertilized, they’re probably going to get about 20 eggs from the retrieval, about 1/3 of these eggs will get fertilized and grow to day 5 to get frozen. That means by Saturday, we will ideally get 6-7 embryos before they are tested for chromosome abnormalities.
I mean technically, it only takes one to take, but having our best chances for success would be ideal, and a few saved for multiple tries or a sibling later would be great. Regardless, I’ll be over the moon if we have just one embryo. That’s one possible baby I’d never have without IVF.
I’d really like to never have to do another egg retrieval though. It is very uncomfortable right now having ovaries the size of Meyer lemons. And it’s definitely out of our budget to do this again. #myteachersalaryisajoke
Anyway, wish us the best outcome! We’re so excited to finally start our family soon. Until next time,
Today is day 5 of injections for stimulating my ovaries to grow as many follicles as possible for my body. I’m trying to stay hopeful while also trying not to think too much about what I can’t see right now. That part is going okay, I think.
This is just some of the injections and supplies. I have a whole pharmacy in my bathroom!
Tomorrow we start counting follicles and measuring their size. So the doctor can start figuring out how many eggs they can get.
Every night when my spouse helps me with the injections, I am still amazed that this is actually happening for us, that we are actually getting so much closer to starting our family.
I’m taking each day at a time, trying to fill each day with something enjoyable. We have just about a week left before the big retrieval day. Already! I’m so nervous but I’m doing everything I can to be as healthy and ready as possible.
I have not updated the “Trying To Become Parents Journey” since November 2021. And finally, I have more to share than “I’m just waiting.” Here’s a list of what’s happened since that March 2021 post:
Just the start of all the medications and supplements I have to take daily
We changed insurances so we could be served better by the fertility clinic we chose (and so I can give birth in the hospital closest to my home).
I’ve been slowly collecting fragrant orchid plants.
We applied for IVF financing and were only given two terrible options (extremely high APR and not the amount of money we needed to loan).
We applied for a line of credit with our bank for a better loan and interest rate for our predicament.
We were approved for the line of credit with our bank.
We paid for the initial charges for IVF.
I got my Master’s Degree and my Administrative Credential.
I attended a duo baby shower for my two cousins who are expecting (actually one of them has given birth since last week) and I only cried about it a few times.
I started the portion of IVF that requires birth control to keep my ovaries calm.
I have an official PCOS diagnosis as the cause for infertility instead of “obesity” now thanks to this clinic.
I met with my IVF Nurse Coordinator and got a schedule for the next three months.
I ordered the injection medications that may be more than the payment for IVF if my insurance doesn’t cover it.
I start injections next week.
For those of you who don’t know, IVF is in vitro fertilization. That’s where the doctors grow as many follicles to maturity as possible in my ovaries, retrieve the eggs from the follicles, fertilize them with my partner’s sperm in a lab and watch over their growth. In my case, they are going to test at least 8 blastocysts for genetic abnormalities before freezing all the good-quality embryos that make it to that stage while my body calms down from the egg retrieval surgery. That is if there is successful fertilization.
This is the only egg retrieval cycle we can afford, so I’m really hoping things turn out well. I’m really hoping for at least four healthy little embryos.
I’ve been calling my IVF experience Project Science Baby among my best friends. It makes it seem more hopeful to me. I’m excited for it to start even though I really hate needles. I keep telling myself it’s completely worth it.
I’ll start updating after each of my appointments from here on out. My baseline appointment is scheduled for June 9!
Guess what? I’m still NOT pregnant. Here’s a little art I drew about how I felt about this news:
I think it needs more test strips, cash, and bills, don’t you?
Yeah.
I was grieving for what I’m not able to have. And feeling completely without hope. It’s not comfortable. It hurts.
The good news is that I finally got my first appointment at the clinic that seems like everyone is raving about, and it’s actually GREAT. Also, it is over ten thousand dollars less than my insurance company’s fertility clinic. And, they are open daily year-round, which means they will work with my special uterus!
The doctor even recommended supplements and addressed all of my concerns and questions. THEY LISTENED TO ME. They gave me actual data on their process and success rates.
I felt so relieved to have a positive experience finally through this journey. A weight lifted off my heart. I feel like I can hope again.
But the cost is still high. Over 10k less than the other clinic, but still the price of a new car. I wish it wasn’t a financial burden to us just for the chance to become parents. And having to wait until we have the funds is torturing me.
To afford IVF, I’ve been working during my prep doing paperwork for another school so I can make a good chunk of funds by spring of 2022. I’ll be able to afford over half of the procedure on my own! Which means, we might become parents by August of 2022!
But it feels like FOREVER AND A DAY.
Anyway, I have a lot more hope in my heart than I did when I made that art. It still is part of me, but it’s not all of me anymore.
I haven’t started a GoFundMe for my treatment because it feels weird to have other people pay for us to make a baby, even if it’s with science. If we can’t do it on our own, why are we even going to try having kids when they’re more expensive afterwards? Maybe I’ll change my mind if we still can’t scrape up the funds. But since it’s the burden my husband and I bear, it doesn’t feel right to ask other people to give us money.
To our family on the other hand… If you really want us to be parents, please feel free to help us. Any little bit will go a long way. I know it will be so worth it.
Worst news first, the clinic we’ve been going to under our insurance wants up to $35,000 for one cycle of in vitro fertilization paid up front. No financing options. The entire payment is due before treatment.
WHAT!?
Obviously IVF is expensive. I know that. But I was not prepared to hear about that amount. That’s more than the price of my Honda CR-V. That’s a down payment on a house, a pretty nice one in California. That’s more than half of my yearly salary. It’s going to be really difficult to get a loan for that much. (For protection reasons, I will not be naming my current health insurance company. It’s an enormous company though, they have so much money already.)
Now, better news, I looked into another clinic not in our insurance system, and talked several people who went to this other clinic. After scouring their website in distress at the aforementioned worst news, they have financing options, and a cycle of IVF is LESS THAN HALF of the cost of the clinic under our insurance company. With financing options and payment plans!
I have an appointment to see them in September for a second opinion. It’s going to cost me several hundred dollars out of pocket, but if it goes well, I think I’m going to switch health insurance companies. I feel like the health insurance we have right now has failed us, that they only want money and aren’t actually listening to their patients (For example, telling me my ovulatory dysfunction is because of my weight when I’ve stated at least twenty times to just the clinic that I had anovulatory cycles when I was lighter. And I have only been at the fertility clinic in person a total of eight times in the past two years).
It’s going to still be at least a year until we can actually afford IVF.
Hopefully the next IUI is successful so we don’t even have to worry about IVF. hopefully we can start the next IUI cycle by next week. If this next IUI isn’t successful, I’m going to stop treatments until we can afford IVF.
So, we have to wait some more. A lot longer than I anticipated. I will probably not be posting my infertility saga for quite some time. However, I will be trying to keep as busy as possible. I have to show off my puppy and my plants and my amazing job as a teacher.
And as I’m waiting, I’m making a baby blanket for our future little one in the hopes that they will arrive one day.
My hope baby blanket that I started last week.
Anyway, I’m really sad right now. I’m sad we will have to put a pause on trying after this cycle. I’m sad that our insurance/clinic is gouging their prices. I’m sad that as a teacher in the United States I’m not paid a respectable living wage to actually afford more expensive health related procedures. I’m sad that I don’t have a sugar daddy to pay for expensive things like IVF because I’m happily married. I’m sad that I don’t get to be a mom yet.
Whatever happened this time, I blame my left ovary. Darn lefty!
To summarize, I did not do a third IUI, but I did take medication. The doctors noticed that my follicles were not growing at the pace expected from the femara I was taking. So, we had two options: injectables to see if we can get my follicles to grow enough to do an IUI, or just wait til next round and increase the dose of femara.
I talked with the doctor at length this time around. It’s so tough to do all the things and hope that you’re body works right enough to make it happen. They weren’t confident that injectables that late in the process of this cycle would actually result in pregnancy. Also, I realized my right ovary did really well, but this cycle my left ovary So I decided against going through with another procedure and more needles this time, and did “timed intercourse” instead.
Two weeks later, the pregnancy test was negative. Again. It’s been eighteen months. I feel like I’m stuck in the same cycle of being disappointed over and over.
Since this was supposed to be my third IUI, I also discussed with my doctor about what we should start next, and we set up an appointment to get an IVF consultation next month. I can still do IUI in the meantime, but this is the next step on the journey, since I can only take femara three more times.
So yay for getting somewhere in the middle of nowhere.
And boo to my left ovary, the fact that IVF costs so much in the United States, and needles. But if we can do anything and get through it, we can do this.
Tune in next time on my “Trying to Become Parents” journey.
babbles&brains 