Category: Mental Health

Posted in Mental Health

Anxiety & Me: How I Get Through

Posted on by babbles&brains

Possible Trigger Warning: There will be talk about my personal experience with anxiety and PTSD.

If you have anxiety, you understand how difficult it is to manage. Most of the time, I can manage, but sometimes I can’t, but I am finally at a stage where I can usually get through it. I wanted to share how I get through bouts of anxiety attacks, and hopefully it may help someone struggling.

Being Observant: It took me a long time to figure out what triggers my anxiety. Paying attention to the events that happen before an anxiety attack will help you identify what causes the attack. For me, Walmart is a huge trigger. I can’t even drive to the parking lot of Walmart alone (at least in my hometown, but I prefer not to shop at any Walmart for many reasons now). This is because I experienced trauma by two people who used to work there as a young teenager, and on a trip exploring the superstore walking alone, I WALKED PAST the one person I never wanted to see again or know existed in the public in my entire life. My lizard brain does not want to deal with that ever again, so it gets heated at the thought of even entering the parking lot in an attempt to protect me. Understanding the trigger to an anxiety attack is very helpful in the self-talk needed to get through an anxiety attack in a shorter amount of time.

Quiet Spaces: Finding a quiet space at the onset of an anxiety attack is really important for me to focus on grounding myself. I’m not picky about it though, because there are no perfect places when in the midst of an anxiety attack. Bathroom stalls, inside my car, my walk-in closet, or going outside if indoors– these are all quiet spaces I’ve gone to when I experience the beginning of an anxiety attack. It just needs to be a space where I can hear myself think.

Self-Compassion: I think this is the most important. I know I tend to be harsh on myself, and getting frustrated when having anxiety only causes more stress and exacerbates the issue. When you are having an anxiety attack, it is very important that you are giving yourself the care and compassion you deserve. So make self-compassion part of your self-care routine. Currently, I really am enjoying working on self-compassion with The Power of Self-Compassion by Laurie J. Cameron. It’s a fantastic audio book from Audible (not sponsored). Granting yourself the compassion you would to a best friend (or for me, a beloved student) is so important to get you through times of anxiety.

Talk Therapy: Get yourself some healthy coping mechanisms through therapy. Get someone objective to talk to that wants to help you be your best self. Unfortunately, partners don’t count, as usually they are not licensed professionals to help you get the tools you need. Through talk therapy though, you can get some tools to help your partner become even more amazing and supportive (if you have one). During this pandemic, I have found BetterHelp (not sponsored) to be a great option to have access to someone to talk to, and they are very good about helping with affordability.

Medication: Even with everything I do to get through anxiety, I was having a very difficult time last year and was consistently having anxiety attacks far too often for me to live my life. Even with all of my coping skills. At that time, it is important to discuss with a doctor about what has been going on and let them know everything you have done to get through it. Often, they will give a questionnaire and discuss medication options that fit with your lifestyle. To me, medication isn’t a bad thing. It’s like wearing glasses to help you see better. I also requested to get additional blood work done to check my thyroid levels, as I know my family has a history of Hashimoto’s hypothyroidism, and it finally showed up for me, after many checks throughout high school and college. An underactive thyroid affects the brain’s ability to function properly, and for me, it caused intense anxiety. So, now I am taking medication for my thyroid and medication for anxiety, but with the work I am doing to be as healthy as possible, I may not need the anxiety medication much longer as my thyroid has help functioning properly.

So, those are some of the things I find helps me get through my anxiety. Some days are better than others, but overall, I am having fewer anxiety attacks, and have been able to get to the end of an anxiety attack in a shorter amount of time. I think the amount of natural light I’ve been getting in our new house has also been beneficial for my mental health. If you’re struggling, I really hope these ideas may help you find peace and clarity. Let me know what works for you!

Stay healthy, y’all.

Sincerely,

Babbles&brains

Posted in Mental Health

Friendships: Real and Not Real

Posted on by babbles&brains
Just a small sampling of the real friendships I’ve accumulated over the years. I love them all so much!!!

Some people are so smart, yet have no common sense. I was one of these people. Well, technically, there are some areas where I need to flex my common sense muscle, but I want to talk about friendships. I used to not understand how to make friends and keep them, but I’ve been working on how to focus my attention on important relationships, and let the other ones go. There are friendships that are real and true and amazing, and there are fake friendships that make you feel like a terrible person but if you need to cut ties, it is perfectly okay to do so. So, I’m writing about how I tell my friendships apart, because there’s a few things I’ve noticed recently that have just set me on edge.

Signs of Real Friendships:

  • You may not talk every day. You may not have the mental capacity to talk every month, but when you do, it’s like the relationship never missed a beat. The friendship is comfortable enough not to need constant assurance that it is a real friendship. I have several of these and it is so relaxing to have a friend that understands a busy life or mental illness and still loves you a lot to always be around for when it counts.
  • You can talk to this person and they will listen. You don’t have to worry about them sharing every juicy detail about your life to someone else. They won’t offer advice every single time either, just support and understanding.
  • When something terrible happens, they’re there for you, even if not physically there. Vice versa when something great happens. They’re supporting you when you’re feeling inadequate and worthless, and they’re supporting you when you feel on top of the world.
  • They confront you. When you’ve said or done something that hurts someone else, they talk to you about what happened without telling you that you’re awful and wrong (especially if you think you’re a terrible person all the time).
  • You can angry rant to them about something you are furious about. Even if they have a different opinion than you on the topic. They listen and care.
  • They remember your birthday without a Facebook reminder (most of the time). I have my best friends on my birthdays bullet journal spread with my family.
  • On the rare occasion where they genuinely ask for advice, they take it into deep consideration and trust that you care enough to help them.
  • They might hurt you sometimes. That’s the risk of a relationship. But every single time, they genuinely apologize and work on the friendship with you. This happened to me in high school with a bestie, and we grew through it and are both much better friends because of it.

Signs of Fake Friendships

  • They tell you what to do and how to think. Even if it’s something small. It’s not even a conversation or debate. It’s a “my way or the highway” mentality (toxic).
  • When they ask for advice all the time and they never take it, like they just want to go through the motions of asking a friend about something. They don’t think your advice is in their best interest.
  • They tell someone else what you said in confidence.
  • Saying “I’m sorry you feel that way” or something similar to quickly apologize or move away from confrontation. They don’t actually want to work on the friendship. In fact, this type of apology isn’t an acknowledgement of a mistake, just an acknowledgement they got caught hurting you.
  • Asking “are we still friends?” Honestly, you should never have to ask an adult that question. Seeking constant approval that you are friends is not a healthy friendship. This is very different from the “can we be friends?” question. If you want to be friends, ask, and you only need to ask once.
  • When a “friend” says or does something that makes you feel unimportant, useless, or worthless.
  • Someone who expects you to do things for them with no reciprocation. Or, doing a small thing and expecting something more in return.
  • Only wanting to be around during good times. Those “fair weather” friends. They still exist. They don’t want to see you down because it kills their vibe.
  • Someone who ditches plans with you to be with a partner, a prospective partner, or just because without giving advance notice, or just ghosts you when they have a partner (I was guilty of this once. I now know the value of maintaining friendships while also having a partner).
  • Someone who is inconsiderate of time constraints and the need to carefully plan around life, work, personalities, and mental health. If we’re going to hang out together, I can do arts and crafts or have a drink and watch Nailed It from 6-9pm on Friday afternoon and I need to be home promptly at 9:15 to feet my cats. Don’t call me Tuesday at lunch and expect me to be there after work to go bar-hopping. I’m never going to say yes to that. I’m an adult, an introvert, and a teacher. Bar-hopping will not recharge me and will just trigger anxiety.
  • Someone who is always forgetting or is inconsiderate of your own plans in life. I had this “friend,” whom I told on multiple occasions that I was going to be gone a specific weekend to spend time with my family and husband, and they messaged me on the way to our trip and during our trip THE NEXT DAY asking to hang out. No, I told you before, multiple times, I’m not in town. Thanks for listening.
  • Ghosting you after telling them your plans for the next year involving baby-making. Or, ghosting you if you don’t plan on having children ever.
  • Consistently skipping out on a friend’s birthday even though you went to theirs. For example, we went to a “friend’s” partner’s birthday, playing mini golf two hours away from home and eating at a restaurant. Then, months later, when I was in the works to plan out my husband’s birthday, going to a whiskey tasting (already paid for) two hours away from home and dinner, this couple said they couldn’t make it. Then on the day of his birthday, they didn’t even message him, knowing it was his birthday. Money wasn’t the issue here. They were just being jerks.
  • This sign: the “friend” texting you around Christmas, then leaving you on read during your birthday month, then telling them happy birthday on their birthday later and they do not even acknowledge that they missed your birthday. That is so mean!
  • Choosing to only be friends with their partner’s closest friends, following their partner’s friendships rather than maintaining their own. I was lucky to have three best friends whose partners I also like. But even if I don’t like your partner a lot or even know your partner that well, I’m still willing to be your friend and grow that friendship to include others.

Many of the signs of fake friendship have to do with being inconsiderate. It’s a hot button for me. As an INFJ, I am so deeply considerate of others (and am constantly working on being more considerate) that not getting even a little consideration in return makes me want to just cut off that relationship completely. I’m 27, I don’t have time to waste on wishy-washy friends. I want to work on the good ones I’ve already got going. But also I love having friends so if you want to be real friends I’m down. I am really going to need some mom friends when I conceive.

If some of the “signs of fake friendship” apply to one of your friendships, take the time to re-evaluate the relationship and see if you want to keep it going or not. It’s okay to end a friendship that isn’t working for you or your friend. When you move your attention away from a not-so-great friendship, you’ll be able to focus on finding and investing in a great friendship.

However, if you feel like some of the “signs of a fake friendship” seem to apply to you, you can change your actions to become a real friend. Others can as well, but only if they want to. Keep working on you as much as you want, and I’ll keep working on me.

Please work on finding real friendships and becoming a real friend. It will make the world so much brighter.

Sincerely, Babbles&brains

Posted in Mental Health

Uh, Hello. Again.

Posted on by babbles&brains
My work-from-home setup and my coworker, Juvia.

I’ve been having weekly panic attacks and am enjoying Animal Crossing New Horizons. Not related, unless its hunting for tarantulas.

I’ve been doing my best to take care of myself during this time. I’m really sad that our school buildings are closed for the rest of the school year, but I’ve been trying to meet with my students on Google Hangouts Meet just to see their faces and see if they’re doing okay (I’m skeptical about Zoom at the moment). I hate not being able to control things like going to work everyday and seeing my students, and not knowing what the future will look like. I hate the fact that our kids are being set behind in many ways, and I’m worried about how next school year will be.

When I was my students’ age, school saved my life. My education was a place of safety and something I had ownership of when I felt I had nothing and no control at home. I feel for my kids who find school to be a safe haven and are now stuck in situations they can’t get relief from.

I’ve been crying a lot. Panic attacks from feeling out of control of things, as well as hurting for students that might be hurting during this time, negative pregnancy tests… my brain likes to think I am a failure first.

It’s times like these where it is easy to feel defeated and powerless. However, brain, I am stronger and more powerful during these times. I care so much, and I can do things nobody thinks are possible because I care and do what it takes. I don’t give up when it comes to those I care deeply for.

I’ve been assigning enrichment activities that bring a little bit of brightness for my students. My 9th graders are making skits recreating the story of Pyramus and Thisbe (the OG Romeo & Juliet story). I’m excited to see how their one-man shows will turn out. My 8th graders are reviewing the Civil War through historic literature and speeches. My 7th graders are writing about a person who changed their life. For whoever can do them, it’s something to do. It’s something for me to do to show how much I care. It matters.

The best news to come out of this time is no state testing this school year. Though some funding may be tied to state testing, our kids don’t need that added stress in normal times, and we don’t need less time to teach them about things that truly matter, like relationships.

All this to say, I’ve been absent from writing because I have been working through anxiety and prepping for distant learning, and connecting with my best friend through Animal Crossing.

Readers, how are you really doing? Are you alright? If not, I hope you will be soon. Please wash your hands. Sanitize your devices. Practice self-compassion.

Talk to you soon,

Babbles&brains

Posted in Mental Health

I’m trying.

Posted on by babbles&brains

Trying to stay motivated to finish my graduate program. Trying to get pregnant. Trying to plan something cute and fun for my fifth wedding anniversary. Trying to save for a house in California. Trying to stay on top of my grading and paperwork for the independent study program I teach at. Trying to get better at keeping my house clean. Trying to get motivated not to crash on the couch when I get home. Trying to organize what I need to stay on top of with bullet journaling. Trying to get consistent with writing. Trying to stay out of my anxiety brain. Trying to write. Trying to get into the role of my new character in a new Dungeons and Dragons campaign that my friend wants to stream weekly on twitch (gulp). Trying to get stuff done to play the new Animal Crossing game when it comes out. In no particular order.

I’ve obviously got a lot going on. I have a lot I strive to be. I’m so lucky to have the opportunity to try and achieve these things. I’m in a great place right now with my job. I have a roof over my head, and three cats to cuddle with me and my husband. I’ve got a fantastic husband who is learning to cook for us while I’m working and going to school.

Right now though, I am exhausted. I think it’s the cold I contracted from my students (not the novel Corona virus, just a head cold). And my period and the fertility medication I am taking so we can start a family. And that it is typically a two week spring break for my district right now but my new school runs on a schedule where we only have one week, and doesn’t start until March 16. It definitely looks like I am burning the candle at both ends. I’m trying not to do that.

My teacup panther laying on my hair so I stay lying down.

I’m practicing self-care and self-compassion. I think that’s why I’m writing this right now. I’ve got a lot on my plate. It’s hard work. I don’t know if there is an end in site to the amount of work left that needs to be done. I also know I’ve got a great support system and know that there are others like me who are also exhausted at this time because of all the things they have to accomplish. I’m trying to prioritize what makes me truly happy and what I need to get done. It’s okay that I don’t have the cleanest house in the world right now. As long as the bathroom and kitchen are consistently disinfected, it’s okay if there’s cat toys all over the house right now. It’s okay if I have six garbage bags in the closet full of clothes to donate since Fall 2019 and haven’t taken them out yet (Marie Kondo won’t approve, but I’m not paying her to help me minimize my belongings. I’m a teacher I can’t afford that). Those things will get done when I’m ready. Next week during spring break. I can wait three more days to fulfill my desire to scrub the entire apartment from top to bottom and get rid of everything that does not bring joy.

A messy house makes me anxious. Our house isn’t even that bad. I was just raised by a hoarder and I don’t want to be like that. It makes my skin crawl to know that I have a tendency to be a mess.I also have been incapable of getting things together the way I wanted it since we moved into this apartment mid-school-year in 2016. What about the summer? No, not able to get it together then either. Because my most debilitating anxiety and depressive episodes have been happening when I’m not in charge of a hundred teenagers. This year is different though. I finally started taking medication to help me function as a human every day, including my off time. I’m ready to get things together! After I sleep for two days straight.

I’m trying. I’m working on it. I’m putting in the effort. I’m not just speaking it into the universe. I’m just really tired right now and need to catch up on a period of rest my body is telling me I need. Don’t forget to rest, because it is good and you can get back to everything you’re trying with much more energy.

See you around,

Babbles&brains