I had to go back to work.
I could not handle even looking into childcare. It made me panic every time it was brought up. Leaving my boy with someone or company when he truly should be with his mom and dad was too much.
My district doesn’t give monetary support for family bonding. If I didn’t have disability insurance, I would have to pay my substitute during maternity leave out of my paycheck. Family bonding time would be unpaid, and we couldn’t afford that.
The principal provided a pump room for me, but it was difficult to have coverage to pump, and I always felt in a rush to get back.
I cried a lot that school year. My sweet boy would cry when he saw me leave, or I had to give up sweet baby snuggles so I could go to work. If I were to express exactly how that felt, I would probably cry some more.
My husband works from home most of the week, though, so our son was happy at home with his dad.
His first word was “Dada” (more on that later). Naturally.
That’s all I can really say about month four. It was hard, and I absolutely loved coming home to a baby happy to see me. Until next time,
Babbles&brains
babbles&brains 