I was instructed to take an at home pregnancy test 16 days after the HCG trigger shot, and 14 days after the IUI. That day was yesterday, November 22, 2020.
The results were negative. A few hours later, I started my period. So here I am, still have never been pregnant, and still desiring to become a mom.
Thankfully, I’m not as devastated as I have been earlier this year. I mean, I did cry. A lot. But I was able to get up and go to work today. We did everything we could. It just wasn’t the time. It’s sad, but there’s a plan in there somewhere, that we have a next step to get to.
What I do know, is that I ovulated for sure. Which means, hopefully, my body will do it again this cycle without treatment. We probably won’t get to try IUI again or any medications for this cycle, because with the pandemic, women are only receiving treatments every other cycle unless there are appointments available. Which makes me feel like a whole cycle of my younger eggs is going to be wasted without treatment, like it’s guaranteed that it won’t happen without treatments to help us get pregnant. It feels unfair.
This whole process of infertility is unfair to me.
I endured childhood trauma–abuse, foster care, courtrooms, and more. I know how important being loved and cared for is to children. I suffered greatly from my own biological parents, and they were able to have children with no issues. I worked so hard with therapists and doctors with the goal of one day becoming a healthy parent. I know that children are a gift and a blessing, and I want my children to feel that they are cherished, that they very much belong. But I am still unable to conceive. When might I have my chance to have a beautiful “ever after” story doing my best to be a great parent with my husband?
Maybe January 2021 will be the month. I don’t know. Not knowing really hurts me.
I am in need of a puppy soon. I need something to keep my mind off of it, something to keep me going, something happy that I can spoil rotten. Something that will make me go out and get fresh air. A puppy, or a better harness for my black cat, Pantherlily, so I can take him out on walks. I just had an idea—- BOTH a puppy and a new harness for my cat so we can take them out on walks together!
Anyway, we’re going to keep trying.
If you or someone you know is struggling with infertility, let them know they’re not alone for me? Thanks.
Sincerely,
Babbles&brains
babbles&brains 