Month: November 2020

Posted in Trying to Become Parents Journey

Trying to Become Parents: Part 6- Waiting Some More

Posted on by babbles&brains

I was instructed to take an at home pregnancy test 16 days after the HCG trigger shot, and 14 days after the IUI. That day was yesterday, November 22, 2020.

The results were negative. A few hours later, I started my period. So here I am, still have never been pregnant, and still desiring to become a mom.

Thankfully, I’m not as devastated as I have been earlier this year. I mean, I did cry. A lot. But I was able to get up and go to work today. We did everything we could. It just wasn’t the time. It’s sad, but there’s a plan in there somewhere, that we have a next step to get to.

What I do know, is that I ovulated for sure. Which means, hopefully, my body will do it again this cycle without treatment. We probably won’t get to try IUI again or any medications for this cycle, because with the pandemic, women are only receiving treatments every other cycle unless there are appointments available. Which makes me feel like a whole cycle of my younger eggs is going to be wasted without treatment, like it’s guaranteed that it won’t happen without treatments to help us get pregnant. It feels unfair.

This whole process of infertility is unfair to me.

I endured childhood trauma–abuse, foster care, courtrooms, and more. I know how important being loved and cared for is to children. I suffered greatly from my own biological parents, and they were able to have children with no issues. I worked so hard with therapists and doctors with the goal of one day becoming a healthy parent. I know that children are a gift and a blessing, and I want my children to feel that they are cherished, that they very much belong. But I am still unable to conceive. When might I have my chance to have a beautiful “ever after” story doing my best to be a great parent with my husband?

Maybe January 2021 will be the month. I don’t know. Not knowing really hurts me.

I am in need of a puppy soon. I need something to keep my mind off of it, something to keep me going, something happy that I can spoil rotten. Something that will make me go out and get fresh air. A puppy, or a better harness for my black cat, Pantherlily, so I can take him out on walks. I just had an idea—- BOTH a puppy and a new harness for my cat so we can take them out on walks together!

Anyway, we’re going to keep trying.

If you or someone you know is struggling with infertility, let them know they’re not alone for me? Thanks.

Sincerely,

Babbles&brains

Posted in Trying to Become Parents Journey

Trying to Become Parents- Part 5: A Milestone

Posted on by babbles&brains

I can’t believe this is might actually happen for me.

I haven’t posted since September because everything was basically the same. Not ovulating, no pregnancy, no parenthood in sight, just waiting to get an appointment to be seen and start a new course of treatment.

Right now, I am truly hopeful, and feel so much lighter. Though I haven’t been ovulating, I’ve finally had an appointment with the fertility clinic last week for an ultrasound to check for cysts before starting treatment for an IUI procedure. No cysts, and healthy follicles!

If you didn’t know, IUI means Intrauterine Insemination, a procedure where they take the male donor’s sperm as close as possible to the egg right at ovulation, to increase the chances of conception.

After two ultrasounds and a round of letrozole, my follicles look very healthy, the uterine lining is nice and cozy for conception, and everything is looking good. We’re just waiting for me to ovulate. I’m hoping that I do by Saturday, but if I don’t have an LH surge by tomorrow I think we might have to do another ultrasound and maybe even a HCG trigger shot to get my body to ovulate for the procedure.

The good news is, within the next seven days, I might finally become pregnant for the first time. I mean, I won’t really know for two weeks after the procedure, but it might happen. The chances are good. Everything is looking great. I’m trying to be as positive as possible.

The doctor and nurses I’ve seen have been so optimistic and hopeful about it, and it makes me have more hope that I will become a mom soon.

I’m not sure why I desire becoming a parent so much, I know how difficult it will be to be a parent. But this desire is overwhelming my heart and soul. I’ve prayed on this so much, asking God why this desire is adhered to my soul so strongly, but it hasn’t lifted or lessened after all this time.

So I truly, deeply hope that this will happen for us.

Please pray for us, send well wishes or good vibes. But again, no baby dust, because that sounds like you’re making dust out of babies and that’s just weird.

Until next time,

Babbles&brains